Moving on

I haven't posted on my blog since 2014.

To be honest, I'm surprised that I remembered the password to my account.

Thats now long its been since I typed anything, shared anything. I'd write about everything that's been going on since then, but that'd be more of a memoir than a blog post.  Let's see... I graduated from graduate school, met a guy, started dating that guy, got engaged to that guy, married that guy, took a job, moved to Charlotte. I've made friends and lost friends. My step dad died from cancer.  I took a big step away from my faith for a while in the throes of grief. Now I'm running full tilt toward God, trying my best not to get back to where I was, but to move past that and find where I'm meant to be now.

When I stopped blogging, it was right around the time that we found out my dad was really sick. I stopped doing a lot of different things around then. I stepped away from so many things, not because I didn't want them, but because I just needed more time to process what was happening and cope with how our lives were changing. Now, I think that I'm done the grieving process. I still miss my dad every single day, and I don't think that this will ever change. Now however, when I think about him, the majority of my memories are of the good times and not thoughts about how lost I feel without him. I've learned to accept this reality and I've come to deal with the fact that I won't be seeing him again until the Lord calls me to heaven. I'm not the biggest fan of this, but I've accepted it. Plus, that reunion will totally be worth the wait.

So, I  went through a HUGE crisis of faith. I wasn't MAD at God necessarily. I just wasn't sure that I was going to make it through my dad's passing and still be able to be the person God had called me to be.  I was struggling to function at a minimum, much less be all that God called me to be.  So, quite simply, I didn't try for a while. I didn't stop believing (Journey will be glad to hear it...) and I didn't 'fall into sin' as we christians like to say. I just couldn't be active in my faith.  I stopped going to Elevation for the most part. I still watched online every week, but I needed to be alone in my struggles and pain. I just couldn't put on a smile and do the happy Christian thing. As a part of that, my blog went silent as well. I prayed and cried and my family and I got through it.  We are all still dealing with missing Dad every day, but I'm proud to say that we made it through the hardest part.


So, that brings me to now. Cory and I met right about the time my dad died. Through that time, my new relationship with Cory was such a blessing. He was a light in the dark for me.  He is so passionate about his faith, and his fire helped me keep my little spark going, even when I was so bogged down in my grief and figuring out a new way of life. Now, we are married and I've coped with the grief successfully. Its now a part of my life instead of my whole life. As a couple, Cory and I are working hard to jump into Elevation Matthews and build a faith community around us. We are going to a WONDERFUL small group, tithing, volunteering, praying and studying together and apart, and we are about to become involved as leaders in the student ministry. I think that any christian knows that we go through seasons in our faith. At times, things feel dry and barren. At other times we feel fulfilled and full of potential. Right now is a season of growth and learning for Cory and me. We are learning to be leaders and to work as a couple instead of as two individual people. We are learning how to have a Christ centered marriage and how to follow Him on our own, but also as a family.

The other day I felt this old familiar nudge in my spirit... something I haven't noticed in a while. I know that God was with me when I was going through grief and pain. He comforted me and he sent Cory into my life right when I needed him. Even so, I didn't really feel God leading me to DO a lot through that time. It was almost like the lord knew I wasn't up to ministering... he knew I needed to be ministered to. Now though, I know that Cory and I are on the cusp of falling into God's plan for us. I hope that writing is part of his plan for me. I love it, and I would love to use it to touch people.  But for now, I feel like the Lord is telling me to start writing about my experiences with him again. I'm not so arrogant to think that my blog will lead millions to salvation (though I don't question that the Lord could do that if he saw fit) but I do know that I learn more about my faith when I write about it.  I also know that someone somewhere will relate to what I'm going through.

So, I'm moving on... and part of that is coming back. Hope you are all willing to take the journey with me.

judges

I haven't updated a lot lately because I've been preparing for a really big test.  Last Friday my classmates and I took the CPCE.  We commonly call the test comps (though I think the black death would be a more fitting name.) Let me tell you... that test was DIFFICULT.  It wasn't really even the questions that stumped me.  Its just the whole process.  I spent four years in undergraduate learning the basics of psychology.  Then I spent three years learning the ins and outs of mental health treatment with adolescents.  After that I've spent the last three years working on a master's degree that  tells the people around me that I know what I'm doing when it comes to counseling.  It tells people I've dedicated my professional life to work and that I worked hard learning how to help people.  I couldn't really put my finger on why comps had me so rattled until earlier today... well yesterday I suppose. I've always been a really good test taker, so it wasn't test anxiety. It was the judgement part that really got to me.  I had to demonstrate that I was a good counselor in such a specific way.  I know that I have a passion for counseling.  I know that God led me to a career in counseling.  I really don't think that I would be happy or effective doing anything else for the rest of my career.  For me (and my colleagues based on conversations I've had) counseling is such a personal thing. It really becomes more than your job.  Its a part of who I am.  The 160 questions on comps asked about theories and names and dates.  There was no space on that scantron sheet to demonstrate my heart for counseling... which in my opinion is the most important part.  My desire to help others isn't east to see on a test like that.  That just really bothered me.  They judge our skills without being able to see the most important part.

So what made me realize that?  Today in supervision at the hospital we were talking about MLK and being members of a minority.  As anyone who keeps up with my blog (all two of you) knows I am really passionate about being body positive and making sure that people aren't marginalized because of their physical characteristics. I've really come to love my plus sized body.  Even so, tons of people aren't ok with plus sized people.  Its a real thing to shame fat people.  I have just as much right to feel good about myself as anyone else does.  Usually I just look past that and do my own thing, but this incident was a little different.  Someone I really admire made comments that left me feeling quite judged. I decided to bring it up today even though I was sure the offense wasn't intentional.  The situation isn't exactly resolved, but the awareness makes me feel a little bit better. 

When I was talking about the situation I felt a familiar feeling from last week creep up again.  Thats when I realized that in both situations (the confrontation and the comps exam) I was really bothered by being judged.  Just like the test didn't reflect my knowledge in my opinion, I think my outside and others perceptions aren't always reflective of me.  People (including me) jump to conclusions and judge people.  These two incidents have really given me heightened awareness about passing judgement. I think its something that we can all get a better handle on. It legitimately hurt me when I thought that I have been the cause of that judged feeling in other people.  I didn't like feeling it myself, but even more so I didn't like thinking that i may have CAUSED that feeling at some point. 

So how to we do better at withholding judgement?  I have come up with a little list of things to keep track of, think about, and do to be the least judgmental I can be.  I read a bit and compiled them from various ideas and discussions I've had. Anyway, this is just my plan.  What are your ideas?  Here are a few of mine...

1. Build your own confidence. We've all heard this since elementary school.  The kids who bully just feel insecure about themselves.  Cliche, but true to an extent.  Its easier not to judge others when you feel good about yourself.

2. Cut yourself a break. We are our worst critic. When you are overly critical of yourself, you tend to be overly critical of others. When I treat myself with compassion that kindness to spills over to everyone else.

3. Be open-minded. It's important to live according to your values and beliefs. Just remember to grant others that same courtesy. You don't have to agree with people's choices, but you must be willing to live and let live if you want to be less judgmental.

4. Face your fears. It is human nature to fret over the unknown. That being said, prejudice thrives on the unwillingness to learn. Get out of your comfort zone and see what happens. 

5. Avoid gossip. If you want to be less judgmental, then clamoring for the latest dirt won't support that goal. Skip the tabloids and all the other sources of gossip.  Learn from people firsthand instead. 

6. Celebrate diversity. Differences encourage progress. Find common ground with those who are different from you.  Then use that as a springboard to learn about the aspects that you DONT have in common.  You might learn something new. 

So, those are a few things that I will be working on over the next little bit! Thanks for reading.  Feel free to share your experiences with judging or being judged.

xoxo.

down time!

Hello lovelies! As you know, its christmas break for all of us in higher education.  As such I have had time to do some fun things (and study for the NCE... blah).  Anyway, I just wanted to share something I'd been working on.  I made a cute photo edit from some pictures that were on my macbook.  I wanted to delete them, but I wanted to use them for something first.  Anyway, I made a little collage with these pictures of my favorite things.  I am using it for the background on my iPad, macbook, and the header on my Facebook page (if it will fit... haven't tried yet.  I like doing creative kinda things on the rare occasion that I have free time! Its so nice to have a little r&r before my last semester as a graduate student.  Anyway, I included my collage below.

Oh, and since I have some time on my hands, if anyone wants a header I'd be happy to make you one.  You can either send me the pics, or a list/idea of what you want on it :)

xoxo

mini update

I mentioned that I blog to some colleagues today... as such I thought I should update it at least once before I give them the address.  Christmas break starts after classes tomorrow though, so hopefully I will have time to go more in depth (and maybe redo my formatting too! YAY!)

Anyway, a few times over the last couple of weeks I've talked about art with people around me.  As I've mentioned before in blog posts I am a huge fan of art journaling.  I'm hoping to make a tutorial post over break about how/what I do and why I find it to be therapeutic.  If anyone in my small but steady stream of readers has questions or suggestions or thoughts about scrapbooking/art journaling I'd move to hear them. Comment them or email me!

This is a picture of my bulletin board in the office area at my apartment.  I've been doing a lot of art based on lyrics lately.  I think its really fun to interpret my favorite songs on a piece of paper.  It helps me hear the metaphors in a song in a new way. As you can see these (which are mostly works in progress) are from Beatles songs.  So if you have a suggestion for great lyrics definitely leave them for me.

I've also gotten really into taking regular drawings and copying them and adding to them.  I like taking sketches from nature and adding some comic book kinds of doodles to them.  I think the juxtaposition between a natural element (plants, waterfalls, feathers) and words or really modern looking doodles (chevron, paisley, polka dots) together.  I feel like these kinds of pictures represent my personality really well. Plus I can put something I'm good at (the doodle and designs part) into an already drawn natural sketch.  Thats really fun.

Ok.  Done with my mini update.  Hopfully there will be lots during December!

Halloweeeeen!

As most who know me are aware I'm not a big fan of children.  As such, holidays aren't my favorite since they center around kids and cause them to be overly annoying. Anyway, while I work hard to avoid the droves of masked, sticky fingered little monsters running around my neighborhood I thought I'd switch things up on my blog and have a holiday themed post.  And now, in honor of halloween I present a list (I love lists!) Of my all time favorite Halloween themed TV (I love tv too!) episodes! Enjoy!


5. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "Who got Dee pregnant?"



A classic whodunit... Differing points of view... Sweet Dee knocked up... a live ostrich.  Whats not to love???

4. Supernatural "Its a Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester"



Its Supernatural, so obviously they know how to do scary.  Add in Sam being brilliant and Dean kicking ass and it had to be a favorite!

3. The Big Bang Theory "The Middle Earth Paradigm"



Ok, she's drunk.  Still, its Leonard and Penny's first kiss... an awesome moment!

2. How I Met Your Mother "Slutty Pumpkin"



Everyone spent seasons wondering who the slutty pumpkin was... brilliant.  Having the slutty pumpkin turn out to be Katie Holmes... even better!

1. Friends "The One With the Halloween Party"



"No... SPACE doody!" Best show ever, so obviously it had to be my number one choice!


Ok, Comment and tell me your favorite halloween episodes! Happy Halloween!

xoxo

Themes

In counseling we talk a lot about themes. Sessions and sessions go by and themes start to emerge. In counseling we refer to these kinds of things as schemas. A person has patterns in behavior and thought and insight into those really helps make changes.

Sometimes we see themes in life too. I have been seeing lots of things lately in my life that all fall into line... Here's some of what I've been seeing lately...

From a book...

                                             

from a TV show...

and in my own life... (Taken from a journal entry written for my hospital internship)

"This place is really a sort of microcosm for the world at large.Things never slow down, but once in a while I find solace in small places and spaces of time. My moments of solitude are even more precious here as I see people hurry past me. The fluster serves to highlight my own stillness and I find myself wondering as I sit here why I don't look for that in life outside the hospital walls. I'm often times in such a hurry. Sometimes you have to hurry, especially here at the hospital. But the more I watch people rush, the more I see that there are some things you simply can't rush through. You can't rush through emotion. Boy do I want to sometimes. You can't rush sadness.You sometimes have to sit there in it. Let it envelope you. Even though it doesn't feel good. I've been looking for the words to put to that for weeks now. And as I sit here it has finally come together in a few sentences that make a little sense. I was reading a book the other day and a line jumped out and bit me, attached itself to me... "That's the thing about sadness, pain. It just demands to be felt" . I couldn't say why those words clung to me so tightly until right now, but I see it now. The more you deny pain the right to be felt the greater the demand becomes until there's nothing you can do about it.
Through the semester so far I've found that my work here isn't what I thought it would be. I expected to work with or on behalf of patients here, but I am seeing that the bulk of my work here is on myself. I think that this program at winthrop has been easier for me in a lot of ways than it has for other students. I have a really easy time with the academic side of things. I've always made really good grades, and almost any subject I can grasp fairly easily. I don't say that to sound arrogant, but because it demonstrates how this year is a new experience for me. I've always been able to skate by. I could not crack a book all semester and still end up with Bs in all my classes. But this...This work that I'm doing now, this work on myself...There's no short cut. There's no way to handle this overwhelming sadness except to feel it, so sit in it, to embrace it. Because to choose not to feel it, to push it away is to deny the significance of someone or something in my life..."

People say that things come in threes... and maybe that's true.  Stop and look around.  When things seem to be repeating maybe its because there's a lesson waiting to be learned.

xoxo

Boundaries

Insomnia has struck once more.  Grey's Anatomy is keeping me company thanks to Netflix. Love this quote from the show and wanted to share...

LOVE this, love you. 

organizing!

OMG!  I'm posting.  What in the world is going on?!  I know, I know... I'm not even going to say that my posts will be more regular because I never meet my goals where blogging is concerned.

Anyway, as you already know if we are real life friends (or if you read my blog regularly) I am a super organized person.  I've just found that if I keep everything together I have a much better day! I was telling a colleague today at the hospital where I intern that I spend a few minutes at the start of my day getting ready and organizing.  I use my iCal, Evernote, and a great app for lists called Wunderlist.  I also have a Moleskine planner like this one...

I also LOVE Moleskine squared cashiers notebooks... They are great for lists, doodles, journaling, and keeping track of ideas. 

Another thing I use is a daily planning page. I first saw some on Pinterest and loved the idea.  Anyway, I took some time and made my own page.  I start filling it out when I get up in the morning.  I print a week's worth on Sunday night and keep them in my notebook.  Then I add to them during the week. I include my top 5 things to accomplish that day, meetings, how much water I need to drink, inspirational quotes, something I'm thankful for, plus other odds and ends. Several people have asked for a copy of my daily planning page, so I thought I'd post it here.  Many people charge for this kinda stuff, but I don't think thats necessary.  I do ask though that if you pass it along to someone else, refer them back to my blog or pinterest page so I can get some traffic and credit!  

Thanks!  Enjoy your more organized life!

know yourself.

Hello dearies! Hope this new week is treating you well.

I've had a few conversations in the last couple days that have led me to this blog post.

One of those conversations was with a friend.  We were talking about clothes and she asked how I go about picking things out and putting them together.  When I go into a store I generally know what kinds of things I'm looking for and can pass by everything else.

The next conversation was with someone at the school where I do my internship.  Someone made a comment basically saying that she wasn't sure how I was able to get my schoolwork done, attend classes, keep up with my internships, work, maintain a home, and still have time to sleep and such.

The third conversation was with one of my best friends.  We were talking about going to counseling.  I told her that going to counseling really helped me get into touch with a lot of things in my life and helped me to just accomplish a lot of my goals and move on from a lot of what was bothering me.

The more I thought about both of these, I started to realize that they are kind of related.  All of it had to do with one thing: knowing yourself.  I have certainly not always known myself.  But thats one of the great things about getting older.  You really start to figure out who you are.

I know my style.  I'm a southern girl.  I'm pretty girly and kind of preppy.  I like button downs, floral skirts, cardigans.  So sure, that bedazzled Juicy jumpsuit is probably really cute, but I know Stephanie, and that doesnt say her...

Same thing goes for my schedule.  I know that by the end of the day I'm gonna be really tired, so I better finish that load of laundry in the morning.  I also know that if I don't know what I have on tap for the entire day that I'm going to get really anxious.  As such, I better keep track of my day in my planner.

No matter who you are, what your style is, or how your day goes, learn yourself.  Its the best way to make things happen!  I'm leaving you guys with a few wise words about knowing ourselves.

xoxo

Eff Your Beauty Standards

Hello lovlies!  Hope everyone is having a fantastic Thursday! I got a tax refund today, my girl scout cookies came in, AND I got cancelled at work tonight... so my day is shaping up pretty well.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be posting more about self-esteem, body positivity, and fat acceptance.  This is really close to my heart for obvious reasons. I struggled with self-esteem for so long, and have just recently started to really grasp how special I am despite not fitting into America's size standards. Grad school and counseling others has really helped me (and my classmates I'm sure) identify and resolve a lot of our own personal issues. Weight, self-acceptance, and the shame others sometimes try to impart on overweight people was a HUGE thing for me to deal with.  For me to say hey, I'm fat and more importantly to accept (even LOVE) that about myself is something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do.

As I REGULARLY preach to my counseling clients... support support support.  You can't tackle issues like this alone.  Personally, I don't know too many women that are fabulous fat girls (and even fewer who accept it... I have met a few this semester in class. AWESOME.) Anyway, Wanting inspiration about how to dress a plus size body, feel sexy (omg did the fat girl just call herself sexy?! Yep.), and embrace being who I am I turned to where everyone in my generation turns... the internet. Upon searching social media I found a few awesome plus size ladies working hard to raise awareness about the same stuff I was in my bedroom at night contemplating! Sure, they are fewer and farther between than activists for racial or sexual minorities... but they recognize that too many beautiful fat girls aren't living their life the way it deserves to be lived and they are working to change that!

I wrote ALLLL that (verbose, aren't I!?) to lead up to this.... Very rarely do I post words that aren't my own, but today I was on Instagram (@steffiefresh if you want to follow...) and one of those lovely inspirational ladies, plus size model Tess Munster (@tessmunster... follow her too!) (side note: plus size, redhead, AND wearing animal print... she might be my long lost sister!) posted an AWESOME photo and caption that just completely made my day.  I had to share it! Below is that Instagram post:

"Reposting for my new followers because this is very dear to my  I dont know about you, but frankly I am tired of getting told what curvy/fat/plus size girls are “allowed” to wear. For everyone that says we cant show our tummies, wear a pencil/form fitting skirt, wear a bikini, wear sleveless tops… YOU can! I want YOU to join me in wearing “daring” fashions & stop hiding your body because society tells you to.Break out those horizontal stripes & hashtag #effyourbeautystandards on instagram &  tumblr. We will take back our right to be a total babe regardless of our size..big OR small we all deserve to feel beautiful." - Tess Munster

This really brings a tear to my eye because I wasted 25 years NOT living like this.  Nothing in my life has changed my my self-imposed limitations! Every day my mission as a counselor is to help clients break through such limitations.  Yours might not be size.  I just talk about that because its mine. Whatever it is PLEASE think about moving beyond it and embracing life. #Effyourbeautystandards might sound harsh, but that really is the attitude that makes life happy!

I'd love to hear your thoughts/struggles.  Believe it or not, hearing people's feedback REALLY helps, not only with me personally, but when talking to clients too. 

xoxo

It starts with me

You know what annoys me?

"People say... "
"They think..."

Don't you hear this like ALL the time?
I do... and it irritates the heck out of me.

"You know... they say that horizontal stripes make you look fat."
"You know... people say you aren't allowed to wear white pants after labor day..."

Seriously. Who are these people? Why do THEY get to dictate what we can or cannot do and/or wear? Why the hell do we listen to "them"?  I've been thinking about this sort of stuff a lot lately. As anyone who knows me personally already is aware, I'm a plus size girl. Hold the phones, I dare say... I'm fat. OMG did I actually say that? Hell yes, I absolutely did!

Here's the thing about it though... the only person who ever calls me fat... is me.  Sure sure, there was the rude kid in school who said something out of the way, but that was in middle school, and since I'm 27 now that's sort of way in the past. Nobody at a clothing store is ever like HEY YOU, I know that comes in your size but its horizontal stripes, and that's not something fat girls should wear! The only person who ever tells me things like that is me.

I never really thought about the messages that I told myself until I started grad school.  In the counseling field we talk a lot about schema and self talk and all that other cognitive stuff. Anyway, for whatever reason (which I sort of know... but don't want to blast people who helped shaped my thought processes... its not really anyone's fault per se... we just don't realize how messages 'stick') I always corrected myself about things I could do/not do, wear/not wear, think/not think because i was fat.

(side note: FAT is NOT a bad word. Its not an insult. Its just an adjective. Its not insulting to say a girl is a redhead or a guy is black.  Its not bad, its just what it.... same with the word fat. So yeah, I call myself that. I also call myself southern, smart, redhead, preppy, white (pale really haha) etc and none of that makes people think I hate my body... neither should fat. Its just how I am... and I don't mind that damn it!)

Ugh... chased a rabbit. Terrible habit. Back to what I was saying... Nobody ever comes up to me and says I can't do something because of my size.  I lived with limitations for a LONG time that I thought were from the outside... but now I'm really beginning to see that they are self-imposed. I thought I couldn't get a boy to like me in high school, so I didn't date. NEVER did one of my girlfriends tell me I couldn't get a date, I told myself that... and I didn't try. NEVER has someone told me that I shouldn't wear shorts or a tank top or whatever else, but for a long time I told myself that "people say that." Nobody ever said that I shouldn't have long hair, I just had it in my head that I couldn't pull it off because I was a 'big girl' (thats what called myself back when I was scared of/embarrassed by the word fat.)  Seriously, all these ridiculous messages came from INSIDE MY HEAD!?

There was a time when I would have DIED if I had to call myself fat, much less write about it where someone might read it. This would have been a DEEP DARK SECRET that i was keeping from everyone.  Then one day I realized... people already know. Ummm duh. People look at me every day, and they can obviously tell that I'm not a size 6. Secondly, it didn't seem to really bother anyone... except me.  When I went out for ice cream with my friends, nobody was like "hey fat girl, drop that cone!" I, however, was certain that everyone was looking at me. (How self-centered was I?!) Seriously, who thinks everyone is looking at them when there are delicious deserts around?!  I was living life with a set of rules that SUCKED!  These rules were self-imposed. I wasn't 'allowed' to live fully because I was fat?! Excuse my bluntness, but thats bull shit. I DONT have to wear things to 'cover up'. I don't have to avoid eating in public. I don't have to pretend I want to be super skinny (I don't btw being fat is part of being me... I own it!), I don't have to lose weight to have a relationship (seriously, my bf is a total hottie!), and I DO NOT have to have a less fulfilling life just because I'm an awesome, fabulous FAT GIRL.

I'm gonna post more about fat acceptance, loving your body, and positive self-talk in the coming days, but for now I leave you with a positive thought below...  I'd love to hear your (kind) thoughts about body image! If you don't have something nice to say... well you know!

xoxo

Spring cleaning

Ok, so it isn't quite spring.  Even so, I decided to clean up my blog a bit.  I deleted some links, updated my about me, and am planning another couple of things in the coming days.  So, what brought this on? Honestly, I'd all but forgotten that I had a blog.  I get caught up in an endless cycle of classes, internship, providing counseling services at Winthrop's counseling clinic (side note: if you need some counseling, its FREEEE and really good... ask me about it!!), working, homework, and housework.  My blog and my sewing are the two projects that suffer due to my jam packed schedule.  Anyway, my friend Wynne (she's adorable btw) mentioned that she stumbled across my blog the other day and read it.  She said she loved my writing and I should update my site.  Honestly, that is without a doubt the best compliment I could possible get.  Sure, any girl loves to be told she's pretty or has cute shoes on, but for me my writing is one of the closest things to my heart. As such, hearing that absolutely made my day...

it also got me thinking about what I needed to do to give my blog a little facelift.  I still LOVE my layout and the custom header I made.  It took me FOREVER considering I have no idea how to do computer programming and such.  So, that stuff will be staying.  I have a few really interesting (to me at least) ideas that will be worked into posts in the next few days/weeks.  But seriously, who else lets demands and 'have to' stuff get in the way of 'want to' stuff?!  I'm sad that I've walked away for something that makes me happy for so long.  Writing is therapeutic for me.  I write every single day without fail.  I really enjoy this format of writing a lot though.  When I share a struggle or an important discovery, it makes me feel good.  Its nice to think that when I've made a mistake or come to a new realization I can post it here and maybe, just maybe someone will read it and benefit from what I've gone through.  Anyway, I'm going to get back to this (I know, I know... I've said it before) because doing what you enjoy is JUST as important as keeping your responsibilities in check. I'm TERRIBLE about carving out time for doing things just for myself.  This is one of those things, so I will be MAKING myself devote some serious time to blogging in the next couple weeks.

So, what's you hobby/pastime that sometimes takes a backseat to less fun things?

Better.

Its the time of the year when I get REALLY stressed out.  Everything is almost due at school.  The holidays are approaching which means balancing a work schedule (my line of work doesn't shut down unfortunately), finding time for my family/friend commitments, and of course the dreaded holiday shopping. With all this STUFF, its sometimes hard to still enjoy things. As such, here are five ways I make the day better.

1. Call a loved one.  Every day.
CALL (not text) someone you love.  Just say hi, catch up etc.  For me, its my mom.  I call her every single day without exception.  Even if its two minutes to say I love you, it always improves my day.  Of course you don't have to call the same person every day.  I also call my sister a good bit.  We prefer Skype to telephone calls.  We spend an hour or so about once a week skyping and I always look forward to our chats.

2. Organize.
Clutter leads to stress.  Guess what alleviates the stress?  Organization.  People sometimes think I'm OCD because I clean so much.  I just know that I have issues with anxiety.  Having a clean organized space lessens my stress and anxiety A LOT, so I just know to stay on top of it.  Plus, cleaning is pretty good exercise if you do a good job of it... and exercise helps reduce stress too... its win win!

3. Do something for someone else.
This is one of my favorites!  Doing something for someone else makes you feel good!  Don't ask for credit or a favor in return.  The good feeling is your reward!  I most often do little things for my boyfriend since he's right in the same house.  I'll wash his work uniform without being asked, leave a little sweet treat on his nightstand, or make him a breakfast when he wakes up on his day off.  It makes him happy and that makes me happy...

4. Express yourself.
Blog, sing, journal, paint... do something creative.  I do lots of creative things.  Some (like writing) I'm pretty good at.  Others (like crochet) I'm well, not so good at.  Either way, it makes me feel really good to create, express myself, think outside my normal realm of work/school. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something you're really good at!

5. Don't put it off.
This is one I sometimes struggle with.  It stinks to go to bed with a sink full of dishes or a dryer full of clothes.  Why?  Because when you wake up they're still there!  Getting it done and waking up without a completely full plate always feels good.

How do you make things better?

spend/save

Man, life is crazy, huh? These last couple years it seems like the entire world has hit hard times. I think the key to being happy, even when times are hard is to have balance.  We were talking about this at work (which is where I think up lots of my posts) and I thought I'd share.  We all agreed that the key to being content is knowing where to spend and where to save.  So, where do I spend and where do I save? Its like this:

Saving

1. Media:  I like to go to the movies, but for us Netflix is a lot more practical and cheaper.  I LOVE to read, and while Barnes & Noble is a fantastic place, buying a used book or going to the library has its charms.  I love this local place called the Book Knack where you can trade in books.  I trade in stuff I don't want anymore and I get credit toward other used books of my choice.  Its a really awesome system that keeps me with new literature even when I'm short on cash.

2. Cleaning:  I am OBSESSED with keeping my apartment clean and tidy.  Thanks to the wonderfulness that it Pinterest I have found SOOO many short cuts for cleaning.  One of my favorites is to make my own febreeze.  I also boil orange peels and cinnamon to keep the house smelling great.  Soak some peels in a sealed jar of white vinegar for two weeks and you'll have an amazing household cleaner that is safe for your kids or pups. There are lots of ways to save on cleaning products.

3. Mail:  I used to mail all my bills every month.  After a while all that adds up.  Now I've learned to pay just about everything online.  It is so handy to just pull up an app on my phone and pay everything in one spot.  Its also saves me money which is GREAT!

4. Haircuts: I have some friends who spend spend spend on a haircut, but not me.  I spend when it comes to hair products, so my hair is healthy.  As such, I don't have to get trims all the time.  When I do get a trim I go to a great clips and get the ends clipped.  Since I take care of it, I don't have to get drastic cuts and don't need a special stylist. 

5. Coffee: MAN, did this used to be a spend!?! However in the recent past I've discovered a great way to make iced coffee. OF COURSE Martha Stewart (my idol) gave me the ideas.  Starbucks isn't stealing all my cash anymore!!

Spending

1. Personal grooming:  When it comes to makeup, shampoo, skincare I am ok with spending.  These products help me stay healthy, put my best foot forward, and feel beautiful so I shell out some cash.  I can't say enough about Sephora and how great their makeup products.  Since I've begun using higher end makeup products my skin has been much healthier. 

2. Pets:  I LOVE my girls!  Bella and Lilly never fail to brighten my day.  Coming home at the end of the day them being so excited makes me so so happy.  Since they are so important to me I spend when it comes to them.  I spent to get pure bred chihuahuas because I wanted to know what I was getting.  I liked knowing that they would stay small and fit in with our lifestyle. I'm ok with paying per month for the vet.  Its comforting to be able to take the girls in any time I need to.  I also buy them food designed for chihuahuas.  Its little just like they are and I like that its small and safer for them.  Of course they are well stocked with toys and treats.  Spending for my babies is NEVER a problem.  

3. Fruit and veggies:  I saw a Dr Oz episode about pesticides.  With soft skinned fruits (think peaches or blueberries)  pesticides actually seep INTO the fruit itself.  So washing my fruit isn't helping keep me safe.  As such, I try to buy locally when it comes to veggies so I'm not eating all that gunk!

4. Technology: I am a member of the cult. I buy Apple.  Say what you want, but my Apple products have lasted forever and never let me down!

5. Treats: every once in a while my FAVORITE splurge is a pint of Ben & Jerry's.   Yes, its five bucks, but nobody else has better ice cream.  The boyfriend's favorite is candy, so we'll splurge on a big bag of twizzlers for him or we buy a 12 pack of soda.  Sometimes we just need a sweet treat at the end of the day.

Spending is fun when you know you can save in other places and pay your bill.  Saving is fun when you allow yourself rewards in little ways.  Hope this post got you thinking.  What are some of your favorite thrifty secrets or fun splurges?

words.

Ive come across a few different words of wisdom over the past couple days.  I'm sharing below.  Hope you all find something inspiring, funny, or worth sharing!

Books!

I love to read.  seriously. LOVE.

Text books. Novels. Nonfiction. Magazines. Blogs.  You name it, I'll read it.  Last weekend I was at work reading a book after the kids were asleep (The Art of Racing in the Rain... great read!) and I got into a conversation with coworkers about reading.  Most of them said that they HATED to read.  HATED.  I save that word for things like the dentist or waking up before 9am.  I couldn't believe that they hated books!!!

Anyway, I started to wonder if I was in the minority as a voracious reader. (I've read two novels, two memoirs, this month's copies of my favorite magazines - Vogue, Glamor, Real Simple, and the required school readings so far this month.... no bragging, just an illustration that books really are important to me!)  A bit of researching let me to the statistic that after graduation 42% of people with a college degree will never read another book.  HOW DEPRESSING!!!  I am a proponent of EVERYONE reading!  A little while back I came across this list of reasons that we should all read classic literature...  I think all these are great ideas.  Its wonderful to escape into another world, relax, AND to gain all these other things:

1. Bigger Vocabulary
When reading the classics you’ll come across many words that are no longer commonly used. Why learn words most people don’t use? To set yourself apart. Having a bigger vocabulary is like having a tool box with more tools. A larger arsenal of words enables you to express yourself more eloquently. You’ll be able to communicate with precision and create a perception of higher intelligence that will give you an advantage in work and social situations.


2. Improved Writing Ability
Reading the classics is the easiest way to improve your writing. While reading you unconsciously absorb the grammar and style of the author. Why not learn from the best? Great authors have a tendency to take over your mind. After reading, I’ve observed that my thoughts begin to mirror the writer’s style. This influence carries over to writing, helping form clear, rhythmic sentences.


3. Improved Speaking Ability
Becoming a better speaker accompanies becoming a better writer because both are caused by becoming a better thinker. Studying works of genius will teach you to express yourself with clarity and style. By improving your command of the English language, you’ll become more persuasive, sound more intelligent, and enjoy an advantage over less articulate people.


4. Fresh Ideas
Isn’t it ironic that the best source for new ideas are writers who’ve been dead for centuries? I’ve derived some of my best ideas directly from the classics. It makes sense when you consider the competition. Everyone you know is reading the same popular blogs and bestselling books. Observing the same ideas as everyone else leads to generic and repetitive thinking. No wonder it’s difficult to sound original! By looking to the classics for inspiration you can enhance your creativity and find fresh subject matter.


5. Historical Perspective
Somebody who reads only newspapers and at best the books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely nearsighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous.There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century. What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind.


6. Educational Entertainment
Reading great books is fun. The key is getting past the initial vocabulary barrier. It’s actually less difficult than you think. Even challenging authors use a limited vocabulary. After the initial learning curve, you’ll find the classics as readable as modern books and infinitely more stimulating. Classics have endured because of entertainment value. There’s a reason filmmakers keep remaking old books — they have the best content.


7. Sophistication
If you’d like to excel in conversation, knowledge of the classics is essential. These are books that keep coming up. They’re a part of human history that isn’t going to disappear in 10 years like 99% of books on the bestsellers list. By reading the classics you gain a deeper appreciation of ideas generally taken for granted. Plus quoting Aristotle or Voltaire is a great way to win an argument.


8. More Efficient Reading
Truly great books don’t come around every year. If you only read contemporary literature, you’re drawing from a diluted pool. Why not make the most of your reading time by finding the best of the best?


9. Develop a Distinct Voice
If you’re a writer/blogger, ignoring the classics is a mistake. This has nothing to do with subject matter. Regardless of what you write about, you need to be persuasive and develop a distinct voice. The best way to learn is from the masters. I’ve seen several articles recommend examples of good writing — they’ve all been other blogs. I have a feeling most people reading this article already read enough blogs. Spending some time with the classics will give you an edge.


10. Learn Timeless Ideas
We like to believe, in our modern arrogance, that technology has changed everything. In truth, it feels the same to be alive today as it did a thousand years ago. The lessons of the classics carry as much weight as ever. They contain information that is directly applicable to your life.





In closing, I’d like to briefly anticipate criticism. This is not an attack on everything modern. To read nothing but the classics would be as foolish as completely ignoring them. The aim is to combine the wisdom of the past with the innovation of the future. The two are inextricably linked — the best books are yet to be written. Also, this is not an appeal to snobbery. Quite the opposite. Reading the classics is a cheap hobby. Used copies can be borrowed from the library or purchased for 1/20 the cost of trendy books that are the talk of high society. Please stop associating the classics with your English Lit. Professor.

Whatever you do, don't be in that 42%... you're missing out!  The closing is a quote by George RR Martin (author of The Game of Thrones series... which I'm reading now. FANTASTIC!)

Journaling.

This is going to be a sort of random post I think.   I'm gonna try to control my tangents... promise.

As you can tell by the fact that I keep a blog, I am a fan of self-expression.  In addition to my blog, I also have a twitter (see the right margin for a link) and I journal a lot.  Usually I write in these nifty moleskine notebooks.  I really like the 'squared' variety... the pages basically look like graph paper.  I use these to make lists, keep contact information, passwords, record sermon notes at church, write quotes etc.  The list could go on for a while.  

Anyway, thanks to the magic of pinterest I discovered a cool new concept called art journaling.  I am really enjoying it, so I thought I'd share. An art diary, art journal or visual journal is a daily journal kept by artists, often containing both words and sketches, and occasionally including Mixed media elements such as collages. Such books will frequently contain rough workings, in cartoon form, of ideas later to appear in finished works, as well as acting as a normal diary, by allowing the artist to record their day-to-day activities and emotions.  

Of course I dont consider myself an artist, but I do like to draw, color, write my feelings, collage, save mementos etc, so this has become a really cool way to do those fun, relaxing things and also keep journaling about my feelings and such.

Below I'm compiling information from a couple web pages (ask if you'd like the links) and from my own head... These are just some things that I find/found interesting or helpful with relation to art journals.

1. Start with a basic supply of materials. Art journalists use a lot of different materials. You can start with just a few inexpensive materials and you can use free things like maps, catalogs and supermarket lists. You can find eveyrthing you'll need at a craft or art supply store. When you are starting out, you can try inexpensive materials and if you have fun with art journaling, you can invest money. 

2. Make the journal your own. At the very least, lay claim to it by writing your name (phone number is good, too, in case you misplace it) in it or on it. You could alsodecorate the cover, recover it, add color, or attach interesting objects to it.  (I covered mine in zebra print OF COURSE)

Don't get anything too fancy if you're just beginning drawing. "Too fancy" is anything that makes you feel guilty about writing in it, or worry that you might mess up and ruin the journal. On the other hand, if you prefer to draw or paint, choose a paper quality, texture, and thickness that are suitable for your preferred medium.

There are pocket journals, for when inspiration hits, or for when something happens and you must draw it right away. Choose the paper size you prefer. There are suitable books of normal size paper, poster size, and miniature size.

Check whether the book you choose will stay open by itself. It's no fun to try to draw or write when the book is flopping closed under you.

Some people prefer spiral bound sketchbooks because they lay flat. Others dislike them because the spiral gets in the way when they draw. This is completely a personal preference thing, so choose what works best for you. (mine is spiral)

Notice what's involved in getting a page out of your chosen book, especially if you think you might ever want to take a work out and display it

3. Start putting stuff in it. Don't spend too long worrying about exactly what to do. Just start doodling or doing whatever's on your mind. You may find that some of your best work happens almost accidentally. Leave the first page blank if you're not sure you can draw well enough yet, or if you'd like to make an index as you go. If you do the first page last, your art skills will have improved by the finish and you'll give it a gorgeous introduction.

4. Turn off the filters and the inner critic. Don't hesitate to experiment in it or make mistakes. This isyour journal. Put in it what you want. If that's strictly drawings, fine. If that's a mixture of drawings, paintings, writing, collage, and pasted-in prints of your favorite photographs, that's fine, too. Doodle aimlessly on a few pages or try out a new medium or technique. Your artistic journey might not even happen all in one book.

5. Put your ideas on paper as soon as they form, or as soon as you can. Perhaps you made what you thought was a funny joke during school or at work, but no one laughed. You can draw that many different ways. You can draw it like a comic book, complete with the joke and the awkward silence where no one laughed, just one picture with the punchline that didn't work. Or you can split the page into halves or fourths with the key points of what happened. It doesn't matter, so long as you create your impression of it.

6. Review your older entries occasionally. You might find new inspiration in old pieces, things to try drawing again or varying, or simply memories. You may also see a pattern of your work progressing through different interests and moods, or of your techniques evolving and improving.

Anyway, give some of this a try... I'm not the most talented artist, but I have a lot of fun with this and its also nice to get things off my chest.  Some of my favorite things to put in my journal are quotes and lyrics. I relate a lot to music.  I record lyrics that I connect with and then illustrate the line or how I feel about it.  Its a pretty fun hobby... 

If youre into art or journaling I'd love to hear about your experiences!

"The artist must possess
the courageous soul 
that dares and defies."
~Kate Chopin