Themes

In counseling we talk a lot about themes. Sessions and sessions go by and themes start to emerge. In counseling we refer to these kinds of things as schemas. A person has patterns in behavior and thought and insight into those really helps make changes.

Sometimes we see themes in life too. I have been seeing lots of things lately in my life that all fall into line... Here's some of what I've been seeing lately...

From a book...

                                             

from a TV show...

and in my own life... (Taken from a journal entry written for my hospital internship)

"This place is really a sort of microcosm for the world at large.Things never slow down, but once in a while I find solace in small places and spaces of time. My moments of solitude are even more precious here as I see people hurry past me. The fluster serves to highlight my own stillness and I find myself wondering as I sit here why I don't look for that in life outside the hospital walls. I'm often times in such a hurry. Sometimes you have to hurry, especially here at the hospital. But the more I watch people rush, the more I see that there are some things you simply can't rush through. You can't rush through emotion. Boy do I want to sometimes. You can't rush sadness.You sometimes have to sit there in it. Let it envelope you. Even though it doesn't feel good. I've been looking for the words to put to that for weeks now. And as I sit here it has finally come together in a few sentences that make a little sense. I was reading a book the other day and a line jumped out and bit me, attached itself to me... "That's the thing about sadness, pain. It just demands to be felt" . I couldn't say why those words clung to me so tightly until right now, but I see it now. The more you deny pain the right to be felt the greater the demand becomes until there's nothing you can do about it.
Through the semester so far I've found that my work here isn't what I thought it would be. I expected to work with or on behalf of patients here, but I am seeing that the bulk of my work here is on myself. I think that this program at winthrop has been easier for me in a lot of ways than it has for other students. I have a really easy time with the academic side of things. I've always made really good grades, and almost any subject I can grasp fairly easily. I don't say that to sound arrogant, but because it demonstrates how this year is a new experience for me. I've always been able to skate by. I could not crack a book all semester and still end up with Bs in all my classes. But this...This work that I'm doing now, this work on myself...There's no short cut. There's no way to handle this overwhelming sadness except to feel it, so sit in it, to embrace it. Because to choose not to feel it, to push it away is to deny the significance of someone or something in my life..."

People say that things come in threes... and maybe that's true.  Stop and look around.  When things seem to be repeating maybe its because there's a lesson waiting to be learned.

xoxo

Eff Your Beauty Standards

Hello lovlies!  Hope everyone is having a fantastic Thursday! I got a tax refund today, my girl scout cookies came in, AND I got cancelled at work tonight... so my day is shaping up pretty well.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be posting more about self-esteem, body positivity, and fat acceptance.  This is really close to my heart for obvious reasons. I struggled with self-esteem for so long, and have just recently started to really grasp how special I am despite not fitting into America's size standards. Grad school and counseling others has really helped me (and my classmates I'm sure) identify and resolve a lot of our own personal issues. Weight, self-acceptance, and the shame others sometimes try to impart on overweight people was a HUGE thing for me to deal with.  For me to say hey, I'm fat and more importantly to accept (even LOVE) that about myself is something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do.

As I REGULARLY preach to my counseling clients... support support support.  You can't tackle issues like this alone.  Personally, I don't know too many women that are fabulous fat girls (and even fewer who accept it... I have met a few this semester in class. AWESOME.) Anyway, Wanting inspiration about how to dress a plus size body, feel sexy (omg did the fat girl just call herself sexy?! Yep.), and embrace being who I am I turned to where everyone in my generation turns... the internet. Upon searching social media I found a few awesome plus size ladies working hard to raise awareness about the same stuff I was in my bedroom at night contemplating! Sure, they are fewer and farther between than activists for racial or sexual minorities... but they recognize that too many beautiful fat girls aren't living their life the way it deserves to be lived and they are working to change that!

I wrote ALLLL that (verbose, aren't I!?) to lead up to this.... Very rarely do I post words that aren't my own, but today I was on Instagram (@steffiefresh if you want to follow...) and one of those lovely inspirational ladies, plus size model Tess Munster (@tessmunster... follow her too!) (side note: plus size, redhead, AND wearing animal print... she might be my long lost sister!) posted an AWESOME photo and caption that just completely made my day.  I had to share it! Below is that Instagram post:

"Reposting for my new followers because this is very dear to my  I dont know about you, but frankly I am tired of getting told what curvy/fat/plus size girls are “allowed” to wear. For everyone that says we cant show our tummies, wear a pencil/form fitting skirt, wear a bikini, wear sleveless tops… YOU can! I want YOU to join me in wearing “daring” fashions & stop hiding your body because society tells you to.Break out those horizontal stripes & hashtag #effyourbeautystandards on instagram &  tumblr. We will take back our right to be a total babe regardless of our size..big OR small we all deserve to feel beautiful." - Tess Munster

This really brings a tear to my eye because I wasted 25 years NOT living like this.  Nothing in my life has changed my my self-imposed limitations! Every day my mission as a counselor is to help clients break through such limitations.  Yours might not be size.  I just talk about that because its mine. Whatever it is PLEASE think about moving beyond it and embracing life. #Effyourbeautystandards might sound harsh, but that really is the attitude that makes life happy!

I'd love to hear your thoughts/struggles.  Believe it or not, hearing people's feedback REALLY helps, not only with me personally, but when talking to clients too. 

xoxo

Better.

Its the time of the year when I get REALLY stressed out.  Everything is almost due at school.  The holidays are approaching which means balancing a work schedule (my line of work doesn't shut down unfortunately), finding time for my family/friend commitments, and of course the dreaded holiday shopping. With all this STUFF, its sometimes hard to still enjoy things. As such, here are five ways I make the day better.

1. Call a loved one.  Every day.
CALL (not text) someone you love.  Just say hi, catch up etc.  For me, its my mom.  I call her every single day without exception.  Even if its two minutes to say I love you, it always improves my day.  Of course you don't have to call the same person every day.  I also call my sister a good bit.  We prefer Skype to telephone calls.  We spend an hour or so about once a week skyping and I always look forward to our chats.

2. Organize.
Clutter leads to stress.  Guess what alleviates the stress?  Organization.  People sometimes think I'm OCD because I clean so much.  I just know that I have issues with anxiety.  Having a clean organized space lessens my stress and anxiety A LOT, so I just know to stay on top of it.  Plus, cleaning is pretty good exercise if you do a good job of it... and exercise helps reduce stress too... its win win!

3. Do something for someone else.
This is one of my favorites!  Doing something for someone else makes you feel good!  Don't ask for credit or a favor in return.  The good feeling is your reward!  I most often do little things for my boyfriend since he's right in the same house.  I'll wash his work uniform without being asked, leave a little sweet treat on his nightstand, or make him a breakfast when he wakes up on his day off.  It makes him happy and that makes me happy...

4. Express yourself.
Blog, sing, journal, paint... do something creative.  I do lots of creative things.  Some (like writing) I'm pretty good at.  Others (like crochet) I'm well, not so good at.  Either way, it makes me feel really good to create, express myself, think outside my normal realm of work/school. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something you're really good at!

5. Don't put it off.
This is one I sometimes struggle with.  It stinks to go to bed with a sink full of dishes or a dryer full of clothes.  Why?  Because when you wake up they're still there!  Getting it done and waking up without a completely full plate always feels good.

How do you make things better?

Worry.

Hello all. I'm back. MY life has been crazy for a while now. Admittedly I stopped doing some of the things that I used to love. I let school, work, life get in the way of me having MY time. I used to take plenty of time to keep up my blog. It was where I expressed my thoughts, where I celebrated triumphs, where I sought advice, or wrote out advice for others (which was really for myself most of the time.) Anyway, I just got bogged down in life. I've been stressed and depressed. Anyway, its time for me to do some things for me again... as such I'm back. I know what you're thinking... I've said that before. Its ok... I know that actions speak louder than words, so in five or ten posts I'll say I told you so.

 Anyway, something I really struggle with is worry. I'm sure i've posted about this before... but its an ongoing thing, so I'm discussing it again. My bff Kiley and I are always talking about how much we worry. We are always texting or calling to ask the others interpretation of a comment, action, event. I can look objectively at her world and she at mine, but when it comes to our own situations we get all paranoid. So today i started reading about worry. I really liked this quote that I found.

 “I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain

 This describes me totally. I worry about things that never happen. I'm butchering the pig, but nobody wants bacon. It occurred to me today that worry is a behavior. As such I choose to do it. I'm of the opinion that every behavior we choose serves a purpose or meets a need (thats related to my theory of counseling, but you probably don't care about that... unless your one of my classmates in which case refer to choice theory for my basis there haha). Anyway, if this is a behavior (habitual as it may be) I can choose to STOP that behavior. Easier said than done... but following are some ways I intend to accomplish this goal.

First though I found some interesting statistics about worry (yes, from reliable sources). I'm not gonna lie, some of these made me feel stupid for worrying all the time. When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:

40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.

30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.

12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.

10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.

8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…

4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.

4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.

Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions: How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control? Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill? (this is my downfall seriously) Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?

 So what can we do? Here's what Ive come up with from a little reading. I'm seriously going to be taking these things into practice ASAP... this worry drains me.

 1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.

 2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.

 3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.

 4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.

 5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.

 6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.

 7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.

 8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)

 9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.

 10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.

 11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!

 12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).

 There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.If this is a struggle for you like it is for me, I hope it gets better. If you've got something else that helps calm your worry post it in a comment... I know I need all the help I can get.

Gestalt.

I'm POSTING! A full time job, long distance relationship, and full time load of grad school classes has left me pretty drained... but I finally have something I really want to share. Its SORT of counseling/psychology related, but it applies to everyone, so keep reading. Oh, and a life update may be coming soon... I hope.


Gestalt was originally a German word roughly akin to 'shape' or 'form'. Its English meaning is generally one of unity or holism... that's to say the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This is one of the most fascinating and beautiful concepts I've encountered since starting grad school.

The Gestalt Prayer was written by Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy (not to be confused with Gestalt Theoretical Psychotherapy and definitely not with Gestalt psychology).

The Gestalt Prayer
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)


Taken on its own instead of being interpreted through the lens of Gestalt Therapy (which is tough for me after learning all about the therapy in class) it's quite a confident message of emotional independence, of sorting your own 'thing' out before getting tangled up with someone else.

Walter Tubbs published a poem called Beyond Perls in response. Apparently its quoted in The Road Less Travelled... clearly it was famous in its own rite. The 'I and Thou' line is a reference to Martin Buber (a philosopher) and its said Professor Tubbs was weaving other thinkers into this as well. Even so, you can understand it without a psychology background or knowledge of counseling theory... and its lovely.


Beyond Perls
If I just do my thing and you do yours,
We stand in danger of losing each other
And ourselves.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations;
But I am in this world to confirm you
As a unique human being,
And to be confirmed by you.

We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other;
The I detached from a Thou
Disintegrates.

I do not find you by chance;
I find you by an active life
Of reaching out.

Rather than passively letting things happen to me,
I can act intentionally to make them happen.

I must begin with myself, true;
But I must not end with myself:
The truth begins with two.
(Walter Tubbs, 1972)



I'm more fond of Perls prayer, though both have striking points. Which do you prefer?

update.

I want to write a lengthy post, but honestly I am just tired.

Work and school full time are kicking my tail! My boy is living at the beach and I miss him terribly. I am way behind on sleep. I know that all this is for a purpose and that I am putting myself in a position for a great life, but its kinda hard at the moment... If you think about it say a prayer for me. I sure could use them! I know He is faithful and has a plan, but life is still a struggle and I find myself constantly in need of his grace and provision.

accomplished!

I'm feeling accomplished! I have been straight up stalking winthrop's internet data base for a week to see what I made in my summer classes. It has been driving me INSANE not to know. I feel certain that nobody else in my program was nearly as obsessed as me. haha.

Anyway, I had dinner (AT MOE'S!!!) with my sister tonight and she totally related. I'm SO blessed to have her going to law school while I work on grad school. Its so nice to have someone who understands the stress.... because its certainly different than stress from other sources.

My stalking paid off today. I made As in ALL my classes. I was SOOOOOO excited to see a 4.0 beside GPA! Just thought I'd share. God is so good! I cant wait to get started on fall classes!

thankful.

Well, I've had an odd week so far. I sprained my ankle Saturday night at work. Even so, I'm thankful for people and things in my life that have gone well...

1. My coworkers on my floor were SO sweet when I hurt my foot. Roxxie wrapped it up for me (which saved me from absolutely dying from the pain!) and the rest of the third shift staff really picked up the slack when I couldn't do everything I normally do. Ms. Orr even switched schedules with me so I'd have a night off to rest and recover. I was SOO grateful for a little time to rest.

2. My wonderful step dad Jon came all the way to my house and picked up my laundry. Then he and my mom washed, dried, and folded it and he brought it back all nice and clean. I was worried about how I'd get that big basket over to my apartment's laundry room, but my family saved the day and took care of everything! I LOVE them!

3. I got an email today from a professor that asked me to call her and discuss an assignment we'd turned in for class. I was SO nervous, but I just went ahead and called her. Turns out that she thought I did a great job! She gave me some great feedback on things I could improve and told me that I was doing well and she was excited about my future with the program. It made my entire week good to hear such encouraging words! I was so excited I had to call my mom and tell her!

4. Harrison's been keeping me company since I'm crippled at the moment. Its nice to have someone to sit around and watch movies, eat Mike & Ike's and such with... even if he does fall asleep halfway through. =)

5. Summer session of grad school is almost over. I can't believe I have survived and even done relatively well. It was a whirlwind experience to say the least! I went out for dinner and drinks after class with everyone last weekend. I'm really excited about learning and becoming a counselor, but I am also really excited about the people I'm spending the next two years with. The other people in my cohort are so nice! Everyone is really smart and they are all so eager to help each other out. I feel really lucky to be sharing this experience with so many amazing new friends.

6. Its been really nice to relax in my apartment over the last few days while I've been hurt. I got new sheets the day before I got hurt... I think that was God's way of making it all a little bit better! I've certainly had time to break them in over the last few days! I am so blessed to have my own little place. Its clean and quite and comfortable. Its so nice to have a place thats such an expression of me. I know that not everyone has such a nice place to come home to, so I am so grateful!

7. If you're reading this then I'm thankful for you too! Thanks for checking in with me! =) Now, leave a comment and tell me whats going on with you!

autobiography

Happy June. Its hard to believe that 2011 is halfway over. Its been a good, good year so far.
Remember when I used to post on my blog regularly? I'm ATTEMPTING to get back to that this month! Here's a fun post... even though it isn't Friday.


Once you've been tagged, Fill this out and repost as, "My Autobiography" ... And use your own answers, not anyone else's.

1. Where did you take your profile pic?
My current Facebook picture was taken at April's bachelorette party at the Cajun Queen

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
gray pajama pants. Winthrop t shirt.

3. What is your current problem?
too much stuff to do, not enough time to do it

4. What makes you happy most?
some wonderful people in my life

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
The Beatles 'If I Fell"

6. Any celeb you would marry?
DUHHH. Justin Timberlake.

7. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Hillary Duff

8. Ever sang by yourself in front of a large audience?
nope.

9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
I hear Kristin Vagness from Criminal Minds a lot... especially when I was blonde

10. Do you still watch kiddie movies or kiddie TV shows?
Finding Nemo is my favorite!

11. Do you speak any languages?
English

12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
nanny, aunt Faith

13. Do you ever watch MTV?
Jersey Shore <3

14. What's something that really annoys you?
People twice my age who are half as competent at work!


Chapter 1:
===============

1. Middle name:
Taylor

2. Nickname(s):
Fresh

3. Current location:
my apartment

Eye Color:
blue

Chapter 2:
===============

1. Do you get along with your parent(s):
yep love them

2.Are your parents married/separated/divorced
happily married but not to each other

3. Do you have any Siblings?:
yep. AMAZING ones.

Chapter 3: Favorites
===============

1. Ice Cream:
oreooooo!

2. Season:
spring/summer

3. Shampoo/conditioner:
I prefer Aveda rosemary mint shampoo.

Chapter 4: Do You..
===============

1. Dance in the shower?
nope. I sing though

2. Do you write on your hand?
ALL THE TIME.

3. Call people back?
not usually. thats what texts are for

4. Believe in love?
eh.

6. Any bad habits?
about a million of them

7. Any mental health issues?
yeah. my job is a mental health issue

Chapter 5: Have You..
===============

1. Broken a bone?
nope

2. Sprained anything?
ankles

3. Had physical therapy?
nope

4. Gotten stitches?
possibly.

5.Taken painkillers?
sure

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling?
nope.

7. Been stung by a bee?
ugh. yes!

8. Thrown up at the dentist?
no. ugh. I hate he dentist.

9. Sworn in front of your parents?
I'm sure.

10. Had detention?
once. It was Colt's fault!!

11. Been called a ho?
more than likely


Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
===============

1. Movie(s)
The King's Speech. Thank you Redbox

2. Person you called?
mom

3. Person you hugged?
Leesa

4. Person you kissed?
Harrison

5. Person you tackled?
Leesa

6. Person you talked to on IM?
omgahhh. I couldn't tell ya. Facebook IM it was probably Kiley

7. Thing you touched?
macbook

8. Thing you ate?
fruity pebbles!

9. Thing you drank?
milk

10. Thing you said?
love you tooo!

Steal it, comment and tell me to go read yours. =)

Test.

Tonight I was in the first session of my developmental psychology class. Dr. Crews emailed us the first reading assignment a few weeks ago and I knocked it out immediately. Tonight he uttered those dreaded words... please put everything away except a pen.

After a pop quiz which killed the spirit of the entire class I did better than many people around me, but nowhere near where I'd like to preform on my first test of grad school. Dr. Crews began to speak. He said that the grade didn't count and that we could retrieve our aper after class. He said that he didn't want to pass out the papers and see the grades at all.

Dr. Crews spent the next minute talking to us about our purpose in grad school. He told us that the only people in our program that care about grades we us, the students. Our professors care about facilitating our learning and leading us on the path of learning about ourselves and discovering how to be effective counselors. He assured us that we would have academic successes and failures while we were at Winthrop, but that those weren't the most important aspect of our experience. He told us that he was going to give us just enough information to make us dangerous as a counselor. Its our responsibility to make the most of our learning experience and to work toward being a responsible, competent practitioner.

Throughout this encouraging talk I kept thinking of a passage in Colossians...


Colossians 3:23 (The Message)
22-25 Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.



How hard is it for us to remember to do everything as if for God when we are forced into doing things we do not like? I mean sometimes you just don't feel like finishing the dishes, getting up on time, heading in to work, reading another chapter before class. This is especially daunting for those of us who like to be in control. The simplest task can become enormous when we dislike it. But, when we approach the task from a different place-- when we do it out of love for the Lord, we often find that the task is not as bad as we thought.

For me, things aren't difficult because I don't like them... but no matter how much you appreciate school or a job, sometimes you'd rather just get some sleep or see your family. I'm finding that sacrifice and discipline are easier when you keep in mind why you're doing what you do. Even in the midst of suffering, if we approach it from the standpoint that there is a purpose in it from and for God, we can endure anything.

I found encouragement in an unexpected source today, and just wanted to share.

A brief brief.

This is going to be a relatively short post. Thats mainly due to the fact that I have zero time to spare these days. Just wanted to post a quick update since I started grad school classes this week. God REALLY blessed me with this opportunity, and I thought i was well aware of that until I went to class. Then I really realized what an experience this is going to be. My professors are intelligent and accomplished and seem really passionate about preparing us to be good therapists. My classmates have all been really friendly and seem like a great group of people to go through this process with. I've already been assigned a healthy amount of work, but honestly, I am SO excited about all of it that I don't even mind sacrificing to get everything done. I can already se that this is going to be difficult at times, but that I'm not only going to learn a lot about helping others, but about God, and myself too.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying about this with me. Love you!


"Did you ever observe to whom the accidents happen? Chance favors only the prepared mind." - Louis Pasteur

Blessings.

Hey guys. Happy Friday... at least I THINK its Friday. Since I've started working nights I'm a little confused about what day it is. haha

Anyway, I've been thinking about some things and I'd really like your input. There were several things that I've been praying for since the beginning of 2011. These mainly included getting promoted at work to a job with more hours each week, getting into grad school, finding an apartment once April got married, and paying for school. God has blessed me beyond measure as each and every thing I prayed about has happened. I really am just in awe of the way things have happened in 2011 so far.

Ok, so here's what I'm concerned about. Working nights is really taking a toll on me. I am getting plenty of sleep, but I'm not at all into a routine. I've not seen family or friends much. I didn't make it to small group last week either. I've slept, read for class, and worked this week. I really don't want to neglect people or things in my life... especially the people who so diligently prayed and supported me while I was in the process of getting to where I am now. I'm praying that I'm able to fit everything new into my life without sacrificing any of the people or things that I already love.

Ok, so this is where you come in. I've been looking for some scripture or a blog or maybe a sermon about making the most of God's blessings in your life. I've spent a lot of my life thinking about where I wanted to be... and God is really providing a way for me to get there. I'm really passionate about making all of this work together. So, if any of you readers can provide some words of wisdom I'd be GREATLY appreciative!

Love you guys!

slack.

Ugh. Remember when I used to be really committed to my blog?! I have no idea why I'm so slack lately.

I just started working as the team leader on third shift. I'm trying to get all the reading finished for my first week of classes. Adjusting to a new schedule of sleep, eating, and all that is KILLING me.

I'm not sure exactly how most people who work weird hours schedule their time. I personally have found myself sleeping a lot more than I did when I was working first shift. Oddly enough, I was told that the opposite was more likely.

I keep getting emails from professors with reading assignments for class this summer. So far I'm keeping up pretty well. I've found that reading a few pages every time I have a free minute (waiting in lines, on break at work, right before bed) has made it pretty easy to get everything done. Hopefully I'll continue to keep up with the pace of grad school. I'm sure its likely to get more strenuous, but I'm actually pretty excited for this particular challenge.

I'm already looking forward to getting through this stage of my life though. I can already see that working full time and going to school full time is going to be a long, difficult process. I know that it will be worth it in the long run, but I'm beginning to see how much I'm gonna have to sacrifice for the next few years.

YES!

So. Its official. I got the letter in the mail today.

I GOT INTO GRADUATE SCHOOL!

I am SO excited that I can hardly stand it. Plenty of people kept telling me that I would get in, but I honestly didn't think that I would. All I can say is that I feel incredibly blessed. God is so good. He truly answered my prayer. I'm so grateful to all of you who were praying and thinking positive thoughts for me.

I can't wait to get to work!

Calling.

Tomorrow is a BIG, BIG day for me. I am interviewing for a spot in graduate school at Winthrop next semester. (side note: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE say a prayer for me!) For a while I've been hesitant to even talk about the application process. Inevitably if I tell people about it, they'll ask for a follow up... and if I don't get in, well, that won't be a fun conversation. Even so, here I am writing about it. Why? Only because it relates to something that I think will make a good blog post. =)

One of the questions in the essay process, and for that matter, a question most people ask me when they hear that I work in mental health, is why I got involved in such a stressful field. What really makes anyone go into a specific career? I've been chewing on these ideas lately. The one word that's been floating around since the graduate school application process began... CALLING. Being that Winthrop is a secular school, I didn't discuss this concept at length in my essay, but I think its definitely something worth sharing with my small, but faithful blog audience.

Of course to a certain extent every follower of Christ has the same calling. Mark 12:28-31 makes that calling clear:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

But what about the career God wants you to have? This part isn't QUITE so clear in the Bible... I had to do a lot of reading and asking questions and praying about this. I did end up finding some interesting stuff though. And now, I'll share.

Our secondary calling is usually related to our job or career. Each secondary calling is different. How does God call us to a vocation? Here are some examples from the Bible:

God calls us directly: Abraham and Paul... he literally TOLD them what they were supposed to do.
God places a desire in your heart: Isaiah... He asked God to send him based on his own desire to serve others.
God takes some people along a path they would not have chosen: Daniel... he didn't know where he was going until he got there.
God offers an attractive option: Stephen... he was called as one of the seven in Acts 6.

One thing that I found interesting was that there were almost always other people involved in someone figuring out their calling. Often times God speaks through people, so why not about my calling in life?

For example, I can pinpoint two specific professors in my undergraduate education who REALLY inspired me. Both were intelligent, Godly men who practiced psychology in addition to teaching counseling and psychology classes.Their passion, dedication to helping others, and command of their field of study brought about a desire in me to study counseling. At the time I didn't recognize that this might be God's way of pointing me toward his purpose for my professional life, but in retrospect it makes a lot of sense. Interestingly enough though, those men didn't provide me with anything that I didn't already possess. They merely used the gifts and talents God gave them... and showed me ways that I could use mine.

As I was beginning the grad school process I was reading Pastor Steven's book "Sun Stand Still." Two sentences REALLY spoke to me:

I AM ABLE TO FULFILL THE CALLING THAT GOD HAS PLACED ON MY LIFE.
I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills [his purpose] for me. - Psalm 57:2

I AM FULLY RESOURCED TO DO EVERYTHING GOD HAS CALLED ME TO DO.
Remember the LORD your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath. - Deuteronomy 8:18

It was encouraging to know that I could do whatever God called me to do. But more than that I was encouraged by the thought that my personality, interests, talents are a way to know WHAT God has called me to do. God has provided me with certain resources that nobody else has. It follows that he gives me (and you) the talents necessary to fulfill the calling that he has for us. Obviously, I'm not athletic... God isn't calling me to the NBA. I am good at relating to people. God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called. What am I getting at exactly?

Yes, look to others to help you discover God's calling on your life... because they will help you understand yourself. Things I've been thinking about in this area...

Passion: What motivates you?
For me its all about relationships. Most things I enjoy have to do with other people. Whether its spending time with my family/friends/boyfriend, my work, or just social media I really like connecting.

Talent: Understand your gifts, and then seek work that matches them well.
I'm told I'm good with words. I pretty much never meet a stranger. I am good at building a rapport or finding a common bond with others.

Life experience: What has happened to you?
I want to work with teenage girls, helping them develop a positive self-image. Why? Because I know what it feels like to be a girl with a terrible opinion of herself. I know being a teenage girl is HARD.

Opportunity: Is there an open door?
My job at New Hope (working with teen girls) fell into my lap. I prayed and it showed up.

Community: Listen to the voice of others.
That professor I mentioned... He was the one who suggested that I apply to New Hope, and that ultimately counseling might be the field for me.

Joy—not happiness; joy.
As Dallas Williard puts it in Divine Conspiracy, “The deepest longings of our heart confirm me in my original calling.”

I must add a warning though. Calling, because it is so vital, presents us with moral challenges: First, our work should not drive us: Vocation is not about doing, but being. Second, our work should not trump family. A healthy sense of calling ought to lead to wise choices and good boundaries. Vocations, careers, jobs, and work flow from the primary calling: serving and loving God. Although secular minded people may not want to admit it, there is no calling without a Caller. Because there is a Caller, I have a calling... and so do YOU. If you're still looking, then I pray that you find it.

And if I don't get into Winthrop? Do I doubt my calling? Absolutely not. His ways are not my ways, so if Winthrop is not the pathway He has for me, then I look forward to seeing where he will take me, and I pray that I will have the wisdom to know the right opportunity when it comes around... and I pray the same for you.

whoops.

I'm the worst blogger ever.
Lots of stuff has taken my attention away from my blog.

I am trying to get a master's degree. That may take a million years, but one day I'll be a therapist. I work first shift at NHC, but somehow I tend to find myself there quite frequently on second shift.

My wonderful roommate April and I have been having lots of quality time... which I love. Our other girlfriend Rachel has been rounding our our trio lately. We got cable after a year and a half without it, so there was LOTS of Jersey Shore to catch up on... ok I'm kidding about Jersey Shore (maybe. haha)

And lastly, and probably most significantly, I'm single now. After a year and a half of what I now know was a TOTALLY one sided relationship I'm back on the market... and being single is hard work. I was with D for so long, that I don't really even know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I will say that the on again and off again drama that I went through taught me lots and lots about what I want in a man. The list is lengthy, but flexible and I think thats a good thing.

The thing on my mind at present though is the idea of a guy who is older than me.. April says I need to ditch the younger boys and I think maybe she might be right. I guess a 21 year old and a 25 year old can be a lot farther apart than just the 4 actual years... According to that whole half your age plus 2 thing I could date someone who's 38 and thats ok.... hmmmm. Something to think about I guess.

More blogging later. I've been watching 48 hours murder mysteries... I think I need to go lock my door...