judges

I haven't updated a lot lately because I've been preparing for a really big test.  Last Friday my classmates and I took the CPCE.  We commonly call the test comps (though I think the black death would be a more fitting name.) Let me tell you... that test was DIFFICULT.  It wasn't really even the questions that stumped me.  Its just the whole process.  I spent four years in undergraduate learning the basics of psychology.  Then I spent three years learning the ins and outs of mental health treatment with adolescents.  After that I've spent the last three years working on a master's degree that  tells the people around me that I know what I'm doing when it comes to counseling.  It tells people I've dedicated my professional life to work and that I worked hard learning how to help people.  I couldn't really put my finger on why comps had me so rattled until earlier today... well yesterday I suppose. I've always been a really good test taker, so it wasn't test anxiety. It was the judgement part that really got to me.  I had to demonstrate that I was a good counselor in such a specific way.  I know that I have a passion for counseling.  I know that God led me to a career in counseling.  I really don't think that I would be happy or effective doing anything else for the rest of my career.  For me (and my colleagues based on conversations I've had) counseling is such a personal thing. It really becomes more than your job.  Its a part of who I am.  The 160 questions on comps asked about theories and names and dates.  There was no space on that scantron sheet to demonstrate my heart for counseling... which in my opinion is the most important part.  My desire to help others isn't east to see on a test like that.  That just really bothered me.  They judge our skills without being able to see the most important part.

So what made me realize that?  Today in supervision at the hospital we were talking about MLK and being members of a minority.  As anyone who keeps up with my blog (all two of you) knows I am really passionate about being body positive and making sure that people aren't marginalized because of their physical characteristics. I've really come to love my plus sized body.  Even so, tons of people aren't ok with plus sized people.  Its a real thing to shame fat people.  I have just as much right to feel good about myself as anyone else does.  Usually I just look past that and do my own thing, but this incident was a little different.  Someone I really admire made comments that left me feeling quite judged. I decided to bring it up today even though I was sure the offense wasn't intentional.  The situation isn't exactly resolved, but the awareness makes me feel a little bit better. 

When I was talking about the situation I felt a familiar feeling from last week creep up again.  Thats when I realized that in both situations (the confrontation and the comps exam) I was really bothered by being judged.  Just like the test didn't reflect my knowledge in my opinion, I think my outside and others perceptions aren't always reflective of me.  People (including me) jump to conclusions and judge people.  These two incidents have really given me heightened awareness about passing judgement. I think its something that we can all get a better handle on. It legitimately hurt me when I thought that I have been the cause of that judged feeling in other people.  I didn't like feeling it myself, but even more so I didn't like thinking that i may have CAUSED that feeling at some point. 

So how to we do better at withholding judgement?  I have come up with a little list of things to keep track of, think about, and do to be the least judgmental I can be.  I read a bit and compiled them from various ideas and discussions I've had. Anyway, this is just my plan.  What are your ideas?  Here are a few of mine...

1. Build your own confidence. We've all heard this since elementary school.  The kids who bully just feel insecure about themselves.  Cliche, but true to an extent.  Its easier not to judge others when you feel good about yourself.

2. Cut yourself a break. We are our worst critic. When you are overly critical of yourself, you tend to be overly critical of others. When I treat myself with compassion that kindness to spills over to everyone else.

3. Be open-minded. It's important to live according to your values and beliefs. Just remember to grant others that same courtesy. You don't have to agree with people's choices, but you must be willing to live and let live if you want to be less judgmental.

4. Face your fears. It is human nature to fret over the unknown. That being said, prejudice thrives on the unwillingness to learn. Get out of your comfort zone and see what happens. 

5. Avoid gossip. If you want to be less judgmental, then clamoring for the latest dirt won't support that goal. Skip the tabloids and all the other sources of gossip.  Learn from people firsthand instead. 

6. Celebrate diversity. Differences encourage progress. Find common ground with those who are different from you.  Then use that as a springboard to learn about the aspects that you DONT have in common.  You might learn something new. 

So, those are a few things that I will be working on over the next little bit! Thanks for reading.  Feel free to share your experiences with judging or being judged.

xoxo.

Themes

In counseling we talk a lot about themes. Sessions and sessions go by and themes start to emerge. In counseling we refer to these kinds of things as schemas. A person has patterns in behavior and thought and insight into those really helps make changes.

Sometimes we see themes in life too. I have been seeing lots of things lately in my life that all fall into line... Here's some of what I've been seeing lately...

From a book...

                                             

from a TV show...

and in my own life... (Taken from a journal entry written for my hospital internship)

"This place is really a sort of microcosm for the world at large.Things never slow down, but once in a while I find solace in small places and spaces of time. My moments of solitude are even more precious here as I see people hurry past me. The fluster serves to highlight my own stillness and I find myself wondering as I sit here why I don't look for that in life outside the hospital walls. I'm often times in such a hurry. Sometimes you have to hurry, especially here at the hospital. But the more I watch people rush, the more I see that there are some things you simply can't rush through. You can't rush through emotion. Boy do I want to sometimes. You can't rush sadness.You sometimes have to sit there in it. Let it envelope you. Even though it doesn't feel good. I've been looking for the words to put to that for weeks now. And as I sit here it has finally come together in a few sentences that make a little sense. I was reading a book the other day and a line jumped out and bit me, attached itself to me... "That's the thing about sadness, pain. It just demands to be felt" . I couldn't say why those words clung to me so tightly until right now, but I see it now. The more you deny pain the right to be felt the greater the demand becomes until there's nothing you can do about it.
Through the semester so far I've found that my work here isn't what I thought it would be. I expected to work with or on behalf of patients here, but I am seeing that the bulk of my work here is on myself. I think that this program at winthrop has been easier for me in a lot of ways than it has for other students. I have a really easy time with the academic side of things. I've always made really good grades, and almost any subject I can grasp fairly easily. I don't say that to sound arrogant, but because it demonstrates how this year is a new experience for me. I've always been able to skate by. I could not crack a book all semester and still end up with Bs in all my classes. But this...This work that I'm doing now, this work on myself...There's no short cut. There's no way to handle this overwhelming sadness except to feel it, so sit in it, to embrace it. Because to choose not to feel it, to push it away is to deny the significance of someone or something in my life..."

People say that things come in threes... and maybe that's true.  Stop and look around.  When things seem to be repeating maybe its because there's a lesson waiting to be learned.

xoxo

Boundaries

Insomnia has struck once more.  Grey's Anatomy is keeping me company thanks to Netflix. Love this quote from the show and wanted to share...

LOVE this, love you. 

organizing!

OMG!  I'm posting.  What in the world is going on?!  I know, I know... I'm not even going to say that my posts will be more regular because I never meet my goals where blogging is concerned.

Anyway, as you already know if we are real life friends (or if you read my blog regularly) I am a super organized person.  I've just found that if I keep everything together I have a much better day! I was telling a colleague today at the hospital where I intern that I spend a few minutes at the start of my day getting ready and organizing.  I use my iCal, Evernote, and a great app for lists called Wunderlist.  I also have a Moleskine planner like this one...

I also LOVE Moleskine squared cashiers notebooks... They are great for lists, doodles, journaling, and keeping track of ideas. 

Another thing I use is a daily planning page. I first saw some on Pinterest and loved the idea.  Anyway, I took some time and made my own page.  I start filling it out when I get up in the morning.  I print a week's worth on Sunday night and keep them in my notebook.  Then I add to them during the week. I include my top 5 things to accomplish that day, meetings, how much water I need to drink, inspirational quotes, something I'm thankful for, plus other odds and ends. Several people have asked for a copy of my daily planning page, so I thought I'd post it here.  Many people charge for this kinda stuff, but I don't think thats necessary.  I do ask though that if you pass it along to someone else, refer them back to my blog or pinterest page so I can get some traffic and credit!  

Thanks!  Enjoy your more organized life!

know yourself.

Hello dearies! Hope this new week is treating you well.

I've had a few conversations in the last couple days that have led me to this blog post.

One of those conversations was with a friend.  We were talking about clothes and she asked how I go about picking things out and putting them together.  When I go into a store I generally know what kinds of things I'm looking for and can pass by everything else.

The next conversation was with someone at the school where I do my internship.  Someone made a comment basically saying that she wasn't sure how I was able to get my schoolwork done, attend classes, keep up with my internships, work, maintain a home, and still have time to sleep and such.

The third conversation was with one of my best friends.  We were talking about going to counseling.  I told her that going to counseling really helped me get into touch with a lot of things in my life and helped me to just accomplish a lot of my goals and move on from a lot of what was bothering me.

The more I thought about both of these, I started to realize that they are kind of related.  All of it had to do with one thing: knowing yourself.  I have certainly not always known myself.  But thats one of the great things about getting older.  You really start to figure out who you are.

I know my style.  I'm a southern girl.  I'm pretty girly and kind of preppy.  I like button downs, floral skirts, cardigans.  So sure, that bedazzled Juicy jumpsuit is probably really cute, but I know Stephanie, and that doesnt say her...

Same thing goes for my schedule.  I know that by the end of the day I'm gonna be really tired, so I better finish that load of laundry in the morning.  I also know that if I don't know what I have on tap for the entire day that I'm going to get really anxious.  As such, I better keep track of my day in my planner.

No matter who you are, what your style is, or how your day goes, learn yourself.  Its the best way to make things happen!  I'm leaving you guys with a few wise words about knowing ourselves.

xoxo

Eff Your Beauty Standards

Hello lovlies!  Hope everyone is having a fantastic Thursday! I got a tax refund today, my girl scout cookies came in, AND I got cancelled at work tonight... so my day is shaping up pretty well.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be posting more about self-esteem, body positivity, and fat acceptance.  This is really close to my heart for obvious reasons. I struggled with self-esteem for so long, and have just recently started to really grasp how special I am despite not fitting into America's size standards. Grad school and counseling others has really helped me (and my classmates I'm sure) identify and resolve a lot of our own personal issues. Weight, self-acceptance, and the shame others sometimes try to impart on overweight people was a HUGE thing for me to deal with.  For me to say hey, I'm fat and more importantly to accept (even LOVE) that about myself is something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do.

As I REGULARLY preach to my counseling clients... support support support.  You can't tackle issues like this alone.  Personally, I don't know too many women that are fabulous fat girls (and even fewer who accept it... I have met a few this semester in class. AWESOME.) Anyway, Wanting inspiration about how to dress a plus size body, feel sexy (omg did the fat girl just call herself sexy?! Yep.), and embrace being who I am I turned to where everyone in my generation turns... the internet. Upon searching social media I found a few awesome plus size ladies working hard to raise awareness about the same stuff I was in my bedroom at night contemplating! Sure, they are fewer and farther between than activists for racial or sexual minorities... but they recognize that too many beautiful fat girls aren't living their life the way it deserves to be lived and they are working to change that!

I wrote ALLLL that (verbose, aren't I!?) to lead up to this.... Very rarely do I post words that aren't my own, but today I was on Instagram (@steffiefresh if you want to follow...) and one of those lovely inspirational ladies, plus size model Tess Munster (@tessmunster... follow her too!) (side note: plus size, redhead, AND wearing animal print... she might be my long lost sister!) posted an AWESOME photo and caption that just completely made my day.  I had to share it! Below is that Instagram post:

"Reposting for my new followers because this is very dear to my  I dont know about you, but frankly I am tired of getting told what curvy/fat/plus size girls are “allowed” to wear. For everyone that says we cant show our tummies, wear a pencil/form fitting skirt, wear a bikini, wear sleveless tops… YOU can! I want YOU to join me in wearing “daring” fashions & stop hiding your body because society tells you to.Break out those horizontal stripes & hashtag #effyourbeautystandards on instagram &  tumblr. We will take back our right to be a total babe regardless of our size..big OR small we all deserve to feel beautiful." - Tess Munster

This really brings a tear to my eye because I wasted 25 years NOT living like this.  Nothing in my life has changed my my self-imposed limitations! Every day my mission as a counselor is to help clients break through such limitations.  Yours might not be size.  I just talk about that because its mine. Whatever it is PLEASE think about moving beyond it and embracing life. #Effyourbeautystandards might sound harsh, but that really is the attitude that makes life happy!

I'd love to hear your thoughts/struggles.  Believe it or not, hearing people's feedback REALLY helps, not only with me personally, but when talking to clients too. 

xoxo

It starts with me

You know what annoys me?

"People say... "
"They think..."

Don't you hear this like ALL the time?
I do... and it irritates the heck out of me.

"You know... they say that horizontal stripes make you look fat."
"You know... people say you aren't allowed to wear white pants after labor day..."

Seriously. Who are these people? Why do THEY get to dictate what we can or cannot do and/or wear? Why the hell do we listen to "them"?  I've been thinking about this sort of stuff a lot lately. As anyone who knows me personally already is aware, I'm a plus size girl. Hold the phones, I dare say... I'm fat. OMG did I actually say that? Hell yes, I absolutely did!

Here's the thing about it though... the only person who ever calls me fat... is me.  Sure sure, there was the rude kid in school who said something out of the way, but that was in middle school, and since I'm 27 now that's sort of way in the past. Nobody at a clothing store is ever like HEY YOU, I know that comes in your size but its horizontal stripes, and that's not something fat girls should wear! The only person who ever tells me things like that is me.

I never really thought about the messages that I told myself until I started grad school.  In the counseling field we talk a lot about schema and self talk and all that other cognitive stuff. Anyway, for whatever reason (which I sort of know... but don't want to blast people who helped shaped my thought processes... its not really anyone's fault per se... we just don't realize how messages 'stick') I always corrected myself about things I could do/not do, wear/not wear, think/not think because i was fat.

(side note: FAT is NOT a bad word. Its not an insult. Its just an adjective. Its not insulting to say a girl is a redhead or a guy is black.  Its not bad, its just what it.... same with the word fat. So yeah, I call myself that. I also call myself southern, smart, redhead, preppy, white (pale really haha) etc and none of that makes people think I hate my body... neither should fat. Its just how I am... and I don't mind that damn it!)

Ugh... chased a rabbit. Terrible habit. Back to what I was saying... Nobody ever comes up to me and says I can't do something because of my size.  I lived with limitations for a LONG time that I thought were from the outside... but now I'm really beginning to see that they are self-imposed. I thought I couldn't get a boy to like me in high school, so I didn't date. NEVER did one of my girlfriends tell me I couldn't get a date, I told myself that... and I didn't try. NEVER has someone told me that I shouldn't wear shorts or a tank top or whatever else, but for a long time I told myself that "people say that." Nobody ever said that I shouldn't have long hair, I just had it in my head that I couldn't pull it off because I was a 'big girl' (thats what called myself back when I was scared of/embarrassed by the word fat.)  Seriously, all these ridiculous messages came from INSIDE MY HEAD!?

There was a time when I would have DIED if I had to call myself fat, much less write about it where someone might read it. This would have been a DEEP DARK SECRET that i was keeping from everyone.  Then one day I realized... people already know. Ummm duh. People look at me every day, and they can obviously tell that I'm not a size 6. Secondly, it didn't seem to really bother anyone... except me.  When I went out for ice cream with my friends, nobody was like "hey fat girl, drop that cone!" I, however, was certain that everyone was looking at me. (How self-centered was I?!) Seriously, who thinks everyone is looking at them when there are delicious deserts around?!  I was living life with a set of rules that SUCKED!  These rules were self-imposed. I wasn't 'allowed' to live fully because I was fat?! Excuse my bluntness, but thats bull shit. I DONT have to wear things to 'cover up'. I don't have to avoid eating in public. I don't have to pretend I want to be super skinny (I don't btw being fat is part of being me... I own it!), I don't have to lose weight to have a relationship (seriously, my bf is a total hottie!), and I DO NOT have to have a less fulfilling life just because I'm an awesome, fabulous FAT GIRL.

I'm gonna post more about fat acceptance, loving your body, and positive self-talk in the coming days, but for now I leave you with a positive thought below...  I'd love to hear your (kind) thoughts about body image! If you don't have something nice to say... well you know!

xoxo

Spring cleaning

Ok, so it isn't quite spring.  Even so, I decided to clean up my blog a bit.  I deleted some links, updated my about me, and am planning another couple of things in the coming days.  So, what brought this on? Honestly, I'd all but forgotten that I had a blog.  I get caught up in an endless cycle of classes, internship, providing counseling services at Winthrop's counseling clinic (side note: if you need some counseling, its FREEEE and really good... ask me about it!!), working, homework, and housework.  My blog and my sewing are the two projects that suffer due to my jam packed schedule.  Anyway, my friend Wynne (she's adorable btw) mentioned that she stumbled across my blog the other day and read it.  She said she loved my writing and I should update my site.  Honestly, that is without a doubt the best compliment I could possible get.  Sure, any girl loves to be told she's pretty or has cute shoes on, but for me my writing is one of the closest things to my heart. As such, hearing that absolutely made my day...

it also got me thinking about what I needed to do to give my blog a little facelift.  I still LOVE my layout and the custom header I made.  It took me FOREVER considering I have no idea how to do computer programming and such.  So, that stuff will be staying.  I have a few really interesting (to me at least) ideas that will be worked into posts in the next few days/weeks.  But seriously, who else lets demands and 'have to' stuff get in the way of 'want to' stuff?!  I'm sad that I've walked away for something that makes me happy for so long.  Writing is therapeutic for me.  I write every single day without fail.  I really enjoy this format of writing a lot though.  When I share a struggle or an important discovery, it makes me feel good.  Its nice to think that when I've made a mistake or come to a new realization I can post it here and maybe, just maybe someone will read it and benefit from what I've gone through.  Anyway, I'm going to get back to this (I know, I know... I've said it before) because doing what you enjoy is JUST as important as keeping your responsibilities in check. I'm TERRIBLE about carving out time for doing things just for myself.  This is one of those things, so I will be MAKING myself devote some serious time to blogging in the next couple weeks.

So, what's you hobby/pastime that sometimes takes a backseat to less fun things?

Better.

Its the time of the year when I get REALLY stressed out.  Everything is almost due at school.  The holidays are approaching which means balancing a work schedule (my line of work doesn't shut down unfortunately), finding time for my family/friend commitments, and of course the dreaded holiday shopping. With all this STUFF, its sometimes hard to still enjoy things. As such, here are five ways I make the day better.

1. Call a loved one.  Every day.
CALL (not text) someone you love.  Just say hi, catch up etc.  For me, its my mom.  I call her every single day without exception.  Even if its two minutes to say I love you, it always improves my day.  Of course you don't have to call the same person every day.  I also call my sister a good bit.  We prefer Skype to telephone calls.  We spend an hour or so about once a week skyping and I always look forward to our chats.

2. Organize.
Clutter leads to stress.  Guess what alleviates the stress?  Organization.  People sometimes think I'm OCD because I clean so much.  I just know that I have issues with anxiety.  Having a clean organized space lessens my stress and anxiety A LOT, so I just know to stay on top of it.  Plus, cleaning is pretty good exercise if you do a good job of it... and exercise helps reduce stress too... its win win!

3. Do something for someone else.
This is one of my favorites!  Doing something for someone else makes you feel good!  Don't ask for credit or a favor in return.  The good feeling is your reward!  I most often do little things for my boyfriend since he's right in the same house.  I'll wash his work uniform without being asked, leave a little sweet treat on his nightstand, or make him a breakfast when he wakes up on his day off.  It makes him happy and that makes me happy...

4. Express yourself.
Blog, sing, journal, paint... do something creative.  I do lots of creative things.  Some (like writing) I'm pretty good at.  Others (like crochet) I'm well, not so good at.  Either way, it makes me feel really good to create, express myself, think outside my normal realm of work/school. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something you're really good at!

5. Don't put it off.
This is one I sometimes struggle with.  It stinks to go to bed with a sink full of dishes or a dryer full of clothes.  Why?  Because when you wake up they're still there!  Getting it done and waking up without a completely full plate always feels good.

How do you make things better?

spend/save

Man, life is crazy, huh? These last couple years it seems like the entire world has hit hard times. I think the key to being happy, even when times are hard is to have balance.  We were talking about this at work (which is where I think up lots of my posts) and I thought I'd share.  We all agreed that the key to being content is knowing where to spend and where to save.  So, where do I spend and where do I save? Its like this:

Saving

1. Media:  I like to go to the movies, but for us Netflix is a lot more practical and cheaper.  I LOVE to read, and while Barnes & Noble is a fantastic place, buying a used book or going to the library has its charms.  I love this local place called the Book Knack where you can trade in books.  I trade in stuff I don't want anymore and I get credit toward other used books of my choice.  Its a really awesome system that keeps me with new literature even when I'm short on cash.

2. Cleaning:  I am OBSESSED with keeping my apartment clean and tidy.  Thanks to the wonderfulness that it Pinterest I have found SOOO many short cuts for cleaning.  One of my favorites is to make my own febreeze.  I also boil orange peels and cinnamon to keep the house smelling great.  Soak some peels in a sealed jar of white vinegar for two weeks and you'll have an amazing household cleaner that is safe for your kids or pups. There are lots of ways to save on cleaning products.

3. Mail:  I used to mail all my bills every month.  After a while all that adds up.  Now I've learned to pay just about everything online.  It is so handy to just pull up an app on my phone and pay everything in one spot.  Its also saves me money which is GREAT!

4. Haircuts: I have some friends who spend spend spend on a haircut, but not me.  I spend when it comes to hair products, so my hair is healthy.  As such, I don't have to get trims all the time.  When I do get a trim I go to a great clips and get the ends clipped.  Since I take care of it, I don't have to get drastic cuts and don't need a special stylist. 

5. Coffee: MAN, did this used to be a spend!?! However in the recent past I've discovered a great way to make iced coffee. OF COURSE Martha Stewart (my idol) gave me the ideas.  Starbucks isn't stealing all my cash anymore!!

Spending

1. Personal grooming:  When it comes to makeup, shampoo, skincare I am ok with spending.  These products help me stay healthy, put my best foot forward, and feel beautiful so I shell out some cash.  I can't say enough about Sephora and how great their makeup products.  Since I've begun using higher end makeup products my skin has been much healthier. 

2. Pets:  I LOVE my girls!  Bella and Lilly never fail to brighten my day.  Coming home at the end of the day them being so excited makes me so so happy.  Since they are so important to me I spend when it comes to them.  I spent to get pure bred chihuahuas because I wanted to know what I was getting.  I liked knowing that they would stay small and fit in with our lifestyle. I'm ok with paying per month for the vet.  Its comforting to be able to take the girls in any time I need to.  I also buy them food designed for chihuahuas.  Its little just like they are and I like that its small and safer for them.  Of course they are well stocked with toys and treats.  Spending for my babies is NEVER a problem.  

3. Fruit and veggies:  I saw a Dr Oz episode about pesticides.  With soft skinned fruits (think peaches or blueberries)  pesticides actually seep INTO the fruit itself.  So washing my fruit isn't helping keep me safe.  As such, I try to buy locally when it comes to veggies so I'm not eating all that gunk!

4. Technology: I am a member of the cult. I buy Apple.  Say what you want, but my Apple products have lasted forever and never let me down!

5. Treats: every once in a while my FAVORITE splurge is a pint of Ben & Jerry's.   Yes, its five bucks, but nobody else has better ice cream.  The boyfriend's favorite is candy, so we'll splurge on a big bag of twizzlers for him or we buy a 12 pack of soda.  Sometimes we just need a sweet treat at the end of the day.

Spending is fun when you know you can save in other places and pay your bill.  Saving is fun when you allow yourself rewards in little ways.  Hope this post got you thinking.  What are some of your favorite thrifty secrets or fun splurges?

Books!

I love to read.  seriously. LOVE.

Text books. Novels. Nonfiction. Magazines. Blogs.  You name it, I'll read it.  Last weekend I was at work reading a book after the kids were asleep (The Art of Racing in the Rain... great read!) and I got into a conversation with coworkers about reading.  Most of them said that they HATED to read.  HATED.  I save that word for things like the dentist or waking up before 9am.  I couldn't believe that they hated books!!!

Anyway, I started to wonder if I was in the minority as a voracious reader. (I've read two novels, two memoirs, this month's copies of my favorite magazines - Vogue, Glamor, Real Simple, and the required school readings so far this month.... no bragging, just an illustration that books really are important to me!)  A bit of researching let me to the statistic that after graduation 42% of people with a college degree will never read another book.  HOW DEPRESSING!!!  I am a proponent of EVERYONE reading!  A little while back I came across this list of reasons that we should all read classic literature...  I think all these are great ideas.  Its wonderful to escape into another world, relax, AND to gain all these other things:

1. Bigger Vocabulary
When reading the classics you’ll come across many words that are no longer commonly used. Why learn words most people don’t use? To set yourself apart. Having a bigger vocabulary is like having a tool box with more tools. A larger arsenal of words enables you to express yourself more eloquently. You’ll be able to communicate with precision and create a perception of higher intelligence that will give you an advantage in work and social situations.


2. Improved Writing Ability
Reading the classics is the easiest way to improve your writing. While reading you unconsciously absorb the grammar and style of the author. Why not learn from the best? Great authors have a tendency to take over your mind. After reading, I’ve observed that my thoughts begin to mirror the writer’s style. This influence carries over to writing, helping form clear, rhythmic sentences.


3. Improved Speaking Ability
Becoming a better speaker accompanies becoming a better writer because both are caused by becoming a better thinker. Studying works of genius will teach you to express yourself with clarity and style. By improving your command of the English language, you’ll become more persuasive, sound more intelligent, and enjoy an advantage over less articulate people.


4. Fresh Ideas
Isn’t it ironic that the best source for new ideas are writers who’ve been dead for centuries? I’ve derived some of my best ideas directly from the classics. It makes sense when you consider the competition. Everyone you know is reading the same popular blogs and bestselling books. Observing the same ideas as everyone else leads to generic and repetitive thinking. No wonder it’s difficult to sound original! By looking to the classics for inspiration you can enhance your creativity and find fresh subject matter.


5. Historical Perspective
Somebody who reads only newspapers and at best the books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely nearsighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous.There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century. What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind.


6. Educational Entertainment
Reading great books is fun. The key is getting past the initial vocabulary barrier. It’s actually less difficult than you think. Even challenging authors use a limited vocabulary. After the initial learning curve, you’ll find the classics as readable as modern books and infinitely more stimulating. Classics have endured because of entertainment value. There’s a reason filmmakers keep remaking old books — they have the best content.


7. Sophistication
If you’d like to excel in conversation, knowledge of the classics is essential. These are books that keep coming up. They’re a part of human history that isn’t going to disappear in 10 years like 99% of books on the bestsellers list. By reading the classics you gain a deeper appreciation of ideas generally taken for granted. Plus quoting Aristotle or Voltaire is a great way to win an argument.


8. More Efficient Reading
Truly great books don’t come around every year. If you only read contemporary literature, you’re drawing from a diluted pool. Why not make the most of your reading time by finding the best of the best?


9. Develop a Distinct Voice
If you’re a writer/blogger, ignoring the classics is a mistake. This has nothing to do with subject matter. Regardless of what you write about, you need to be persuasive and develop a distinct voice. The best way to learn is from the masters. I’ve seen several articles recommend examples of good writing — they’ve all been other blogs. I have a feeling most people reading this article already read enough blogs. Spending some time with the classics will give you an edge.


10. Learn Timeless Ideas
We like to believe, in our modern arrogance, that technology has changed everything. In truth, it feels the same to be alive today as it did a thousand years ago. The lessons of the classics carry as much weight as ever. They contain information that is directly applicable to your life.





In closing, I’d like to briefly anticipate criticism. This is not an attack on everything modern. To read nothing but the classics would be as foolish as completely ignoring them. The aim is to combine the wisdom of the past with the innovation of the future. The two are inextricably linked — the best books are yet to be written. Also, this is not an appeal to snobbery. Quite the opposite. Reading the classics is a cheap hobby. Used copies can be borrowed from the library or purchased for 1/20 the cost of trendy books that are the talk of high society. Please stop associating the classics with your English Lit. Professor.

Whatever you do, don't be in that 42%... you're missing out!  The closing is a quote by George RR Martin (author of The Game of Thrones series... which I'm reading now. FANTASTIC!)

Worry.

Hello all. I'm back. MY life has been crazy for a while now. Admittedly I stopped doing some of the things that I used to love. I let school, work, life get in the way of me having MY time. I used to take plenty of time to keep up my blog. It was where I expressed my thoughts, where I celebrated triumphs, where I sought advice, or wrote out advice for others (which was really for myself most of the time.) Anyway, I just got bogged down in life. I've been stressed and depressed. Anyway, its time for me to do some things for me again... as such I'm back. I know what you're thinking... I've said that before. Its ok... I know that actions speak louder than words, so in five or ten posts I'll say I told you so.

 Anyway, something I really struggle with is worry. I'm sure i've posted about this before... but its an ongoing thing, so I'm discussing it again. My bff Kiley and I are always talking about how much we worry. We are always texting or calling to ask the others interpretation of a comment, action, event. I can look objectively at her world and she at mine, but when it comes to our own situations we get all paranoid. So today i started reading about worry. I really liked this quote that I found.

 “I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain

 This describes me totally. I worry about things that never happen. I'm butchering the pig, but nobody wants bacon. It occurred to me today that worry is a behavior. As such I choose to do it. I'm of the opinion that every behavior we choose serves a purpose or meets a need (thats related to my theory of counseling, but you probably don't care about that... unless your one of my classmates in which case refer to choice theory for my basis there haha). Anyway, if this is a behavior (habitual as it may be) I can choose to STOP that behavior. Easier said than done... but following are some ways I intend to accomplish this goal.

First though I found some interesting statistics about worry (yes, from reliable sources). I'm not gonna lie, some of these made me feel stupid for worrying all the time. When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:

40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.

30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.

12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.

10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.

8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…

4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.

4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.

Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions: How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control? Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill? (this is my downfall seriously) Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?

 So what can we do? Here's what Ive come up with from a little reading. I'm seriously going to be taking these things into practice ASAP... this worry drains me.

 1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.

 2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.

 3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.

 4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.

 5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.

 6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.

 7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.

 8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)

 9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.

 10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.

 11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!

 12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).

 There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.If this is a struggle for you like it is for me, I hope it gets better. If you've got something else that helps calm your worry post it in a comment... I know I need all the help I can get.

update.

I want to write a lengthy post, but honestly I am just tired.

Work and school full time are kicking my tail! My boy is living at the beach and I miss him terribly. I am way behind on sleep. I know that all this is for a purpose and that I am putting myself in a position for a great life, but its kinda hard at the moment... If you think about it say a prayer for me. I sure could use them! I know He is faithful and has a plan, but life is still a struggle and I find myself constantly in need of his grace and provision.

notes.

Anyone who knows me well can tell you this... I NEED to write things down. If I don't make a list, a calendar, a page of notes, well then its going in one ear and right out the other. Learning this about myself is one of the reasons that I tend to make good grades in school. I know that I can't read the text and listen to the prof lecture and pass a test. It just isn't going to happen. I've GOT to outline the chapter as I read. I have to highlight and take notes in my book. When the professor speaks I have to write things down. Even if I think I know what he/she said, it just make me feel much more secure if I can go back and look at where I documented all the important information that was provided.

This is also one of the reasons that I keep a blog. I'm always learning things about God, life, love, myself. I blog them so that I will be able to remember them later on when I need a reminder of how far I've come. I also keep a journal. Thats a little more random than the stuff that I write on my blog. Often times, several days/weeks worth of journal pages are synthesized into one of my blog posts actually. I usually write prayers in my journal. Its just sort of letters to God. Sometimes its serious stuff like sin I'm struggling with, things that I'm worried over, or something that a friend asked me to pray about, and other times its just my way of being thankful for small pleasures in life. I also keep track of sermon notes in the same journal. Pastor Steven is GREAT at giving points that are easy to record and remember and using phrases that will come back to mind throughout the week. Often times I find myself in a situation where I need guidance and I think back to a sermon I heard at Elevation and go back and hunt the notes in my journal.

Anyway, why am I saying all this? The one thing that I find it hard to record is my own personal Bible reading time. I have just never been able to find a format that really helped me capture what I was learning as well as I wanted it to. I wanted to be able to go back and recall the things that I learned from any given passage of scripture that I'd read, but writing big long paragraphs just didn't seem like the most effective way to do that. Anyway, I stumbled across this format on the internet (which isn't ALL bad haha) and its been working really well for me so far, so I thought I'd share.



Personal Bible study suggested format:

Passage:
Date:

1. What has God spoken to me about today through the reading of this section?
a. Concerning Himself?
b. Concerning my life?

2. What am I going to do about it (Ephesians 4:22-24)?
a. Ungodly habit of thinking or behavior to "put off"
b. Godly habit of thinking or behavior to "put on"

3. When do I plan to do it? (Psalm 1:1-3; James 1:23-25)... If ______ happens, then I plan (with God's help) to _______________.

4. What verse am I going to take with me today? (Look for opportunities to share this verse with someone today)

5. What can I pray back to God from this section (as a worshipful expression of praise and/or resolve)?

6. follow up for the next day: Did I follow my plan?_____If so, thank the Lord! If not, consider what happened, if necessary, seek God's forgiveness (James 4:17), determine what you need to do differently, asking God for wisdom (James 1:5).


I know that intellectual endeavors work a lot better for me when I can look at a plan and go step by step. As such, I decided to stop rummaging around God's word randomly hoping for insight and revelation and instead treat Bible study with as much respect as I treat studying for school. I'd NEVER start a paper without an outline, or read a chapter of text without a highlighter and pen on hand, so why should I be any more nonchalant about my approach to Bible study? God wants to speak to us through his word, but if we don't take the time to study it properly, then we won't learn anything.

Worry.

I got told today that I'm a worry wart. This, I suppose, is true. In spite of my best intentions I worry like crazy. My current worry is over some paperwork for my student loans that just is taking a lot more time and effort than it seems like it should.

I am seriously, legitimately struggling to eat and sleep at this point. People keep saying chill out, everything will be fine. THAT drives me insane and it only makes me worry even more. I HATE it when people act like what I'm worried about isn't important... the fact of the matter is that going to grad school is the single most important thing in my life right now, and I feel totally entitled to care about how things are going in that area.

HOWEVER...

"Worry is the sin of distrusting the promise and providence of God, and yet it is a sin that Christians commit perhaps more frequently than any other."- John MacArthur

FACT... That one hit me HARD.

I've been reminded several times over the last few weeks that worry is a sin. We sugar coat it; even make it sound good. It like the better or more important your life is, the more entitled you are to worry about things. That's just not true. Worry focuses on the negative, and if you're a Christian, 1 Corinthians says you have 'the mind of Christ' ... and I'm pretty sure he didn't worry!

I couldn't sleep today (preoccupied with this school nonsense) so instead of sitting and worried, I decided to be productive (and there was nothing to clean). To be honest, the more I think about it, the more I worry about stupid stuff. I worry that I wrote down my work schedule wrong and I won't show up on a day I'm supposed to work. (It should be noted that my schedule never changes.) I worry that I'll forget someone's birthday/anniversary etc and cause them some undue sadness on a special day. I worry that I'll suddenly forget some inconsequential piece of psychological information (Piaget's stages of development? what the letters DSM stand for? Difference between id and ego?) and totally screw up a client. None of this even makes sense. Over the span of my lifetime, worrying accounts for hours and hours of time that I'll never get back. So, I have decided that I'd like to stop wasting my time (especially sleep time!).

If you're not convinced yet to give up your worrying, here are four biblical reasons not to worry.

Worrying Accomplishes Nothing.


Worry is a waste of time. As Pastor Steven put it recently... 'Work don't worry... cause worry dont work.' (poor grammar...good theology he said.) Have a problem? Work as hard as you can to fix it (like me doing all this WU paperwork and running all over campus) and then let God handle the rest. Worrying is just treating the problem like its too big for him... and that simply is not true!

Matthew 6:27-29 "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are."


Worrying is Not Good for You.

Worrying is destructive to us in many ways. It becomes a mental burden that can even cause us to grow physically sick. Goodness knows I don't need any help with that!!

Proverbs 12:25 "Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up."

Worrying is the Opposite of Trusting God.


The energy that we spend worrying can be put to much better use in prayer. Max Lucado once said no one can pray and worry at the same time.

Matthew 6:30 "And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?"

Philippians 4:6-7 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Worrying Puts Your Focus in the Wrong Direction.

When we keep our eyes focused on God, we remember his love for us and we realize we truly have nothing to worry about. God has a wonderful plan for our lives, and part of that plan includes taking care of us. Even in the difficult times, when it seems like God doesn't care, we can put our trust in the Lord and focus on his kingdom. God will take care of our every need. Josh McDowell says is this way; "Knowing that God is faithful, it really helps me to not be captivated by worry. But knowing that He will do what He has said, He will cause it to happen, whatever He has promised, and then it causes me to be less involved in worrying about a situation."

Matthew 6:25 "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?"

Matthew 6:31-33 "So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."


Hope this finds you all well. If you're worrying, then I'm praying for you... and pray for me about this too. Its by far my biggest struggle.

Notice.

This will be a short little update, as I have to be at work shortly, and I'm aiming to get my dishwasher emptied before I leave.... we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little something that was a BIG deal to me today. If you read my last post, you know that I had a big experience at Elevation last weekend. God is really moving in that church and consequently in my personal life. Anyway, the same post that I made I also emailed to what the church refers to as the 'amen corner.' Its just a way to share your story with the staff at Elevation. They sometimes read a story during a sermon or other event.

Tonight I was at an Elevation Rock Hill launch team meeting. As our campus pastor was speaking, he mentioned that he loves to read the stories people email in. I didn't think much of the comment at the time. After the meeting, I introduced myself to Pastor Frank and discussed some outreach opportunities at Winthrop. At the end of the conversation he asked me my last name. I told him, and he immediately said 'didn't you send in an email this week?'

In a church that had 10,000 plus people attend last Sunday, Pastor Frank remembered my name and story specifically. I've never felt so honored by someone that I didn't really know. People say that a 'mega church' can't work. But I'm here to say that's not true. If we each take the time to honor the people that we come into contact with personally then we can create a tight knit group no matter how big the church family is. So, I'm making it my mission to invest personally into whoever God puts into my path... I'd love to know that I had a hand in someone feeling as important as I felt this evening.

Follow.

Here's what's been going on at Elevation. After the video, read below for my experience with FOLLOW.

Follow from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

I've been thinking about sharing my story for some time, and I know for sure now that its time. For a long time I would have said that my walk with Christ began as a child, but now I know that this is not true. I was taken to church as a child, and around age 7 or 8 I got baptized. It was clear that this was what my parents wanted, so I complied. (Bless them for caring about my soul.)

Through out middle and high school I was incredibly involved in church. I was constantly bombarded with lists, rules, regulations, commandments that I had to keep. I was an expert at putting on the Christian act. I kept these rules because my friends did, but I now know that my heart was never in it. I attended a Christian college where I pursued a degree and met people who I most definitely did not expect to find in that environment. Before I knew it, the girl who grew up as an expert at keeping the rules was drinking, partying, in a relationship that did't honor God, and pretty much anything else you could think of. I graduated, got a job, and only found more time and means to live a sinful life. Looking back, it seems like I blinked and my life was out of control. I wasn't an addict, I wasn't pregnant, I wasn't in jail, but I wasn't a Christian either. I was SCARED.

None of the things I were doing made me happy. I knew that I had to figure out this God thing for myself. I realized that I've believed in Jesus for most of my life, but I've never really followed him. There is a big difference I've come to see. I'd been To Elevation a few times, but in early 2011 I decided to commit to regular attendance. The first Sunday I attended Pastor Steven began a series called "Get Back" all about how to recover your spiritual life coupled with a Beatles theme. As the most avid Beatles fan you'd ever find in a 25 year old, I felt like God was saying 'not only do I know what you need to hear, I know EVERYTHING about you.' I knew it was God's way of telling me that this was the beginning of the right journey for me. Over the last several months I've struggled a LOT. I joined an eGroup. I got involved, but I was still wrestling with what it meant to follow Jesus instead of just believing in him. I was still struggling with leaving my old ways in the past. I've been praying for a long time about my next step in following Jesus.

Last Saturday night I attended Blakeney alone. I was sitting close to the front and crying my eyes out as Pastor Steven spoke about following. I knew that the 'dying daily' and the 'carrying my cross' were what I had been missing. At one point he looked directly at my section of the crowd and said "I must follow Jesus for myself." As he continued to speak, those words played over and over in my mind. I couldn't WAIT for him to count to three and send people outside to be baptized. I knew that this was the next step of faith that I had been looking for. I knew I was ready to FOLLOW. I cried as I changed clothes. I cried as I waited in line at the baptismal tank. I'm crying as I think about it now. I've felt anxious for months and months now, but when Pastor Chunks lifted me out of the water I felt at peace like I have never felt before. I know that following instead of believing won't be easy, but I know that it will be worth the sacrifice.

I start grad school classes at Winthrop in a few weeks... right about the time Elevation Rock Hill opens. I can feel God leading me (for the first time in forever) to reach my campus for him. I'm SO excited about the next steps of following Jesus, and I'm proud to say that Elevation was a huge part of my changed life.