Moving on

I haven't posted on my blog since 2014.

To be honest, I'm surprised that I remembered the password to my account.

Thats now long its been since I typed anything, shared anything. I'd write about everything that's been going on since then, but that'd be more of a memoir than a blog post.  Let's see... I graduated from graduate school, met a guy, started dating that guy, got engaged to that guy, married that guy, took a job, moved to Charlotte. I've made friends and lost friends. My step dad died from cancer.  I took a big step away from my faith for a while in the throes of grief. Now I'm running full tilt toward God, trying my best not to get back to where I was, but to move past that and find where I'm meant to be now.

When I stopped blogging, it was right around the time that we found out my dad was really sick. I stopped doing a lot of different things around then. I stepped away from so many things, not because I didn't want them, but because I just needed more time to process what was happening and cope with how our lives were changing. Now, I think that I'm done the grieving process. I still miss my dad every single day, and I don't think that this will ever change. Now however, when I think about him, the majority of my memories are of the good times and not thoughts about how lost I feel without him. I've learned to accept this reality and I've come to deal with the fact that I won't be seeing him again until the Lord calls me to heaven. I'm not the biggest fan of this, but I've accepted it. Plus, that reunion will totally be worth the wait.

So, I  went through a HUGE crisis of faith. I wasn't MAD at God necessarily. I just wasn't sure that I was going to make it through my dad's passing and still be able to be the person God had called me to be.  I was struggling to function at a minimum, much less be all that God called me to be.  So, quite simply, I didn't try for a while. I didn't stop believing (Journey will be glad to hear it...) and I didn't 'fall into sin' as we christians like to say. I just couldn't be active in my faith.  I stopped going to Elevation for the most part. I still watched online every week, but I needed to be alone in my struggles and pain. I just couldn't put on a smile and do the happy Christian thing. As a part of that, my blog went silent as well. I prayed and cried and my family and I got through it.  We are all still dealing with missing Dad every day, but I'm proud to say that we made it through the hardest part.


So, that brings me to now. Cory and I met right about the time my dad died. Through that time, my new relationship with Cory was such a blessing. He was a light in the dark for me.  He is so passionate about his faith, and his fire helped me keep my little spark going, even when I was so bogged down in my grief and figuring out a new way of life. Now, we are married and I've coped with the grief successfully. Its now a part of my life instead of my whole life. As a couple, Cory and I are working hard to jump into Elevation Matthews and build a faith community around us. We are going to a WONDERFUL small group, tithing, volunteering, praying and studying together and apart, and we are about to become involved as leaders in the student ministry. I think that any christian knows that we go through seasons in our faith. At times, things feel dry and barren. At other times we feel fulfilled and full of potential. Right now is a season of growth and learning for Cory and me. We are learning to be leaders and to work as a couple instead of as two individual people. We are learning how to have a Christ centered marriage and how to follow Him on our own, but also as a family.

The other day I felt this old familiar nudge in my spirit... something I haven't noticed in a while. I know that God was with me when I was going through grief and pain. He comforted me and he sent Cory into my life right when I needed him. Even so, I didn't really feel God leading me to DO a lot through that time. It was almost like the lord knew I wasn't up to ministering... he knew I needed to be ministered to. Now though, I know that Cory and I are on the cusp of falling into God's plan for us. I hope that writing is part of his plan for me. I love it, and I would love to use it to touch people.  But for now, I feel like the Lord is telling me to start writing about my experiences with him again. I'm not so arrogant to think that my blog will lead millions to salvation (though I don't question that the Lord could do that if he saw fit) but I do know that I learn more about my faith when I write about it.  I also know that someone somewhere will relate to what I'm going through.

So, I'm moving on... and part of that is coming back. Hope you are all willing to take the journey with me.

Boundaries

Insomnia has struck once more.  Grey's Anatomy is keeping me company thanks to Netflix. Love this quote from the show and wanted to share...

LOVE this, love you. 

spend/save

Man, life is crazy, huh? These last couple years it seems like the entire world has hit hard times. I think the key to being happy, even when times are hard is to have balance.  We were talking about this at work (which is where I think up lots of my posts) and I thought I'd share.  We all agreed that the key to being content is knowing where to spend and where to save.  So, where do I spend and where do I save? Its like this:

Saving

1. Media:  I like to go to the movies, but for us Netflix is a lot more practical and cheaper.  I LOVE to read, and while Barnes & Noble is a fantastic place, buying a used book or going to the library has its charms.  I love this local place called the Book Knack where you can trade in books.  I trade in stuff I don't want anymore and I get credit toward other used books of my choice.  Its a really awesome system that keeps me with new literature even when I'm short on cash.

2. Cleaning:  I am OBSESSED with keeping my apartment clean and tidy.  Thanks to the wonderfulness that it Pinterest I have found SOOO many short cuts for cleaning.  One of my favorites is to make my own febreeze.  I also boil orange peels and cinnamon to keep the house smelling great.  Soak some peels in a sealed jar of white vinegar for two weeks and you'll have an amazing household cleaner that is safe for your kids or pups. There are lots of ways to save on cleaning products.

3. Mail:  I used to mail all my bills every month.  After a while all that adds up.  Now I've learned to pay just about everything online.  It is so handy to just pull up an app on my phone and pay everything in one spot.  Its also saves me money which is GREAT!

4. Haircuts: I have some friends who spend spend spend on a haircut, but not me.  I spend when it comes to hair products, so my hair is healthy.  As such, I don't have to get trims all the time.  When I do get a trim I go to a great clips and get the ends clipped.  Since I take care of it, I don't have to get drastic cuts and don't need a special stylist. 

5. Coffee: MAN, did this used to be a spend!?! However in the recent past I've discovered a great way to make iced coffee. OF COURSE Martha Stewart (my idol) gave me the ideas.  Starbucks isn't stealing all my cash anymore!!

Spending

1. Personal grooming:  When it comes to makeup, shampoo, skincare I am ok with spending.  These products help me stay healthy, put my best foot forward, and feel beautiful so I shell out some cash.  I can't say enough about Sephora and how great their makeup products.  Since I've begun using higher end makeup products my skin has been much healthier. 

2. Pets:  I LOVE my girls!  Bella and Lilly never fail to brighten my day.  Coming home at the end of the day them being so excited makes me so so happy.  Since they are so important to me I spend when it comes to them.  I spent to get pure bred chihuahuas because I wanted to know what I was getting.  I liked knowing that they would stay small and fit in with our lifestyle. I'm ok with paying per month for the vet.  Its comforting to be able to take the girls in any time I need to.  I also buy them food designed for chihuahuas.  Its little just like they are and I like that its small and safer for them.  Of course they are well stocked with toys and treats.  Spending for my babies is NEVER a problem.  

3. Fruit and veggies:  I saw a Dr Oz episode about pesticides.  With soft skinned fruits (think peaches or blueberries)  pesticides actually seep INTO the fruit itself.  So washing my fruit isn't helping keep me safe.  As such, I try to buy locally when it comes to veggies so I'm not eating all that gunk!

4. Technology: I am a member of the cult. I buy Apple.  Say what you want, but my Apple products have lasted forever and never let me down!

5. Treats: every once in a while my FAVORITE splurge is a pint of Ben & Jerry's.   Yes, its five bucks, but nobody else has better ice cream.  The boyfriend's favorite is candy, so we'll splurge on a big bag of twizzlers for him or we buy a 12 pack of soda.  Sometimes we just need a sweet treat at the end of the day.

Spending is fun when you know you can save in other places and pay your bill.  Saving is fun when you allow yourself rewards in little ways.  Hope this post got you thinking.  What are some of your favorite thrifty secrets or fun splurges?

accomplished!

I'm feeling accomplished! I have been straight up stalking winthrop's internet data base for a week to see what I made in my summer classes. It has been driving me INSANE not to know. I feel certain that nobody else in my program was nearly as obsessed as me. haha.

Anyway, I had dinner (AT MOE'S!!!) with my sister tonight and she totally related. I'm SO blessed to have her going to law school while I work on grad school. Its so nice to have someone who understands the stress.... because its certainly different than stress from other sources.

My stalking paid off today. I made As in ALL my classes. I was SOOOOOO excited to see a 4.0 beside GPA! Just thought I'd share. God is so good! I cant wait to get started on fall classes!

Generations.

I've posted this on facebook before, but I thought it warranted a second posting... Its just really thought provoking.

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from Jesus.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

Read the message, then read it again in reverse.

Which generation do you belong in?

Brief update.

Christmas week was CRAZY busy! I saw lots of family, ate lots of food, worked a LOT, and missed out on a a lot of sleep. I'm looking forward to things getting back to normal. I just wanted to post a quick update (as if I have such an attentive audience) so say I'm still alive. I'm mulling over some stuff that will undoubtedly become a blog in the near future. For now I'll just say that Christmas was a BIG reminder of how blessed I am. I hope you all had a lovely holiday!

Thanks.

I was at work the other day and the kids were working on making their Christmas lists. Interesting to me considering that it was still a week before Thanksgiving. Now, of course I made Christmas lists as a kid... and my mom always asks me to now, though I never get around to it.

The more I thought about it, the more it saddened me that we are all so quick to make lists of the stuff we're dying to get. We get up at the crack of dawn and fight crowds to save a few bucks on "black Friday." Shouldn't we instead be focusing on the things that we are thankful for? Shouldn't we be making lists of all the blessings that God has provided us with throughout our lives? We just mutter that we're thankful for our home, our family, our health at Thanksgiving dinner and then move on to scouting out deals for all the stuff we are going to push and shove to buy on sale the next morning. Well this year I'm doing things differently. I've been making a mental list of all the things I'm thankful for that I don't normally thank God for... the little things. the under the surface things. the things I don't usually think about:

- a large family to get together with for food, laughs, love... and not just on Thanksgiving.
- a family who doesn't judge me for being different than them.
- an older sister who I hope to be JUST like one day.
- a baby sister who is also my best friend/sounding board/companion/ and SO much more.
- a brother and a brother-in-law who always knows what to say to make me laugh.
- the cutest niece and nephew EVER!
- parents who are proud of me and always encourage me
- all the days that go by where pretty much everything goes the way its supposed to.
- all the times I DON'T get what I deserve.
- all the times I screw up and God pardons me from the consequences
- I woke up today... and every day before that for the last 25 years.
- a beautiful apartment with light, heat, a refrigerator full of food, a caring roommate
- the fact that I wonder WHAT I'm going to eat/drink/wear today, not WHETHER
- that God has brought me through every challenge life has presented me thus far
- that I have a job that allows me to help other people
- that I can blog, tweet, speak about my faith without fear of persecution
- that I belong to a church that loves Jesus and loves people and knows how to reach today's culture
- that I can enjoy being young and single with the assurance that God will bring the right man into my life at the right time
- that there isn't a second when God isn't right there beside me

There are tons and tons more... I am so blessed. =)
If you read my blog, then I'm thankful for you.

addendum.

I forgot to mention that I turned 25 this week! It was the most lovely birthday I've ever had.

A few nights before my birthday I went out to sushi with April and Rachel. ENSO = best sushi ever. period. life changing!




I got some new rainbows from the 'rents... which as you know are the BEST flip flops in the universe... and when it was the right weather this week for rainbows + my North Face jacket it was seriously bliss.

Leesa sent me an adorable scarf from Raleigh and Robin got me some John Derian coffee mugs for the gallons of coffee I consume each week... they are wonderful sisters.

April got me an AWEOME wine glass etched with SC palmetto tree and crescent moon. ADORABLE.

Ms. P (my favorite coworker) took me to lunch at the Zebra at Southpark. GO THERE. It was INCREDIBLE. I had the most adorable birthday cake EVER. She also got me a HUGE framed John Lennon print. No need to express how I feel about anything with JL.



I had family dinner at a habachi grill. The chef made me help him cook. He was hilarious. Even made my rice into a heart. haha. My niece and nephew Hudson and Ellie sang me happy birthday. Pop got me roses.



Ended the say with a glass of wine, birthday cake, my girlfriends, and Britney Spears on Glee.

All in all a perfect day!