judges

I haven't updated a lot lately because I've been preparing for a really big test.  Last Friday my classmates and I took the CPCE.  We commonly call the test comps (though I think the black death would be a more fitting name.) Let me tell you... that test was DIFFICULT.  It wasn't really even the questions that stumped me.  Its just the whole process.  I spent four years in undergraduate learning the basics of psychology.  Then I spent three years learning the ins and outs of mental health treatment with adolescents.  After that I've spent the last three years working on a master's degree that  tells the people around me that I know what I'm doing when it comes to counseling.  It tells people I've dedicated my professional life to work and that I worked hard learning how to help people.  I couldn't really put my finger on why comps had me so rattled until earlier today... well yesterday I suppose. I've always been a really good test taker, so it wasn't test anxiety. It was the judgement part that really got to me.  I had to demonstrate that I was a good counselor in such a specific way.  I know that I have a passion for counseling.  I know that God led me to a career in counseling.  I really don't think that I would be happy or effective doing anything else for the rest of my career.  For me (and my colleagues based on conversations I've had) counseling is such a personal thing. It really becomes more than your job.  Its a part of who I am.  The 160 questions on comps asked about theories and names and dates.  There was no space on that scantron sheet to demonstrate my heart for counseling... which in my opinion is the most important part.  My desire to help others isn't east to see on a test like that.  That just really bothered me.  They judge our skills without being able to see the most important part.

So what made me realize that?  Today in supervision at the hospital we were talking about MLK and being members of a minority.  As anyone who keeps up with my blog (all two of you) knows I am really passionate about being body positive and making sure that people aren't marginalized because of their physical characteristics. I've really come to love my plus sized body.  Even so, tons of people aren't ok with plus sized people.  Its a real thing to shame fat people.  I have just as much right to feel good about myself as anyone else does.  Usually I just look past that and do my own thing, but this incident was a little different.  Someone I really admire made comments that left me feeling quite judged. I decided to bring it up today even though I was sure the offense wasn't intentional.  The situation isn't exactly resolved, but the awareness makes me feel a little bit better. 

When I was talking about the situation I felt a familiar feeling from last week creep up again.  Thats when I realized that in both situations (the confrontation and the comps exam) I was really bothered by being judged.  Just like the test didn't reflect my knowledge in my opinion, I think my outside and others perceptions aren't always reflective of me.  People (including me) jump to conclusions and judge people.  These two incidents have really given me heightened awareness about passing judgement. I think its something that we can all get a better handle on. It legitimately hurt me when I thought that I have been the cause of that judged feeling in other people.  I didn't like feeling it myself, but even more so I didn't like thinking that i may have CAUSED that feeling at some point. 

So how to we do better at withholding judgement?  I have come up with a little list of things to keep track of, think about, and do to be the least judgmental I can be.  I read a bit and compiled them from various ideas and discussions I've had. Anyway, this is just my plan.  What are your ideas?  Here are a few of mine...

1. Build your own confidence. We've all heard this since elementary school.  The kids who bully just feel insecure about themselves.  Cliche, but true to an extent.  Its easier not to judge others when you feel good about yourself.

2. Cut yourself a break. We are our worst critic. When you are overly critical of yourself, you tend to be overly critical of others. When I treat myself with compassion that kindness to spills over to everyone else.

3. Be open-minded. It's important to live according to your values and beliefs. Just remember to grant others that same courtesy. You don't have to agree with people's choices, but you must be willing to live and let live if you want to be less judgmental.

4. Face your fears. It is human nature to fret over the unknown. That being said, prejudice thrives on the unwillingness to learn. Get out of your comfort zone and see what happens. 

5. Avoid gossip. If you want to be less judgmental, then clamoring for the latest dirt won't support that goal. Skip the tabloids and all the other sources of gossip.  Learn from people firsthand instead. 

6. Celebrate diversity. Differences encourage progress. Find common ground with those who are different from you.  Then use that as a springboard to learn about the aspects that you DONT have in common.  You might learn something new. 

So, those are a few things that I will be working on over the next little bit! Thanks for reading.  Feel free to share your experiences with judging or being judged.

xoxo.

Eff Your Beauty Standards

Hello lovlies!  Hope everyone is having a fantastic Thursday! I got a tax refund today, my girl scout cookies came in, AND I got cancelled at work tonight... so my day is shaping up pretty well.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to be posting more about self-esteem, body positivity, and fat acceptance.  This is really close to my heart for obvious reasons. I struggled with self-esteem for so long, and have just recently started to really grasp how special I am despite not fitting into America's size standards. Grad school and counseling others has really helped me (and my classmates I'm sure) identify and resolve a lot of our own personal issues. Weight, self-acceptance, and the shame others sometimes try to impart on overweight people was a HUGE thing for me to deal with.  For me to say hey, I'm fat and more importantly to accept (even LOVE) that about myself is something I NEVER thought I'd be able to do.

As I REGULARLY preach to my counseling clients... support support support.  You can't tackle issues like this alone.  Personally, I don't know too many women that are fabulous fat girls (and even fewer who accept it... I have met a few this semester in class. AWESOME.) Anyway, Wanting inspiration about how to dress a plus size body, feel sexy (omg did the fat girl just call herself sexy?! Yep.), and embrace being who I am I turned to where everyone in my generation turns... the internet. Upon searching social media I found a few awesome plus size ladies working hard to raise awareness about the same stuff I was in my bedroom at night contemplating! Sure, they are fewer and farther between than activists for racial or sexual minorities... but they recognize that too many beautiful fat girls aren't living their life the way it deserves to be lived and they are working to change that!

I wrote ALLLL that (verbose, aren't I!?) to lead up to this.... Very rarely do I post words that aren't my own, but today I was on Instagram (@steffiefresh if you want to follow...) and one of those lovely inspirational ladies, plus size model Tess Munster (@tessmunster... follow her too!) (side note: plus size, redhead, AND wearing animal print... she might be my long lost sister!) posted an AWESOME photo and caption that just completely made my day.  I had to share it! Below is that Instagram post:

"Reposting for my new followers because this is very dear to my  I dont know about you, but frankly I am tired of getting told what curvy/fat/plus size girls are “allowed” to wear. For everyone that says we cant show our tummies, wear a pencil/form fitting skirt, wear a bikini, wear sleveless tops… YOU can! I want YOU to join me in wearing “daring” fashions & stop hiding your body because society tells you to.Break out those horizontal stripes & hashtag #effyourbeautystandards on instagram &  tumblr. We will take back our right to be a total babe regardless of our size..big OR small we all deserve to feel beautiful." - Tess Munster

This really brings a tear to my eye because I wasted 25 years NOT living like this.  Nothing in my life has changed my my self-imposed limitations! Every day my mission as a counselor is to help clients break through such limitations.  Yours might not be size.  I just talk about that because its mine. Whatever it is PLEASE think about moving beyond it and embracing life. #Effyourbeautystandards might sound harsh, but that really is the attitude that makes life happy!

I'd love to hear your thoughts/struggles.  Believe it or not, hearing people's feedback REALLY helps, not only with me personally, but when talking to clients too. 

xoxo

Spring cleaning

Ok, so it isn't quite spring.  Even so, I decided to clean up my blog a bit.  I deleted some links, updated my about me, and am planning another couple of things in the coming days.  So, what brought this on? Honestly, I'd all but forgotten that I had a blog.  I get caught up in an endless cycle of classes, internship, providing counseling services at Winthrop's counseling clinic (side note: if you need some counseling, its FREEEE and really good... ask me about it!!), working, homework, and housework.  My blog and my sewing are the two projects that suffer due to my jam packed schedule.  Anyway, my friend Wynne (she's adorable btw) mentioned that she stumbled across my blog the other day and read it.  She said she loved my writing and I should update my site.  Honestly, that is without a doubt the best compliment I could possible get.  Sure, any girl loves to be told she's pretty or has cute shoes on, but for me my writing is one of the closest things to my heart. As such, hearing that absolutely made my day...

it also got me thinking about what I needed to do to give my blog a little facelift.  I still LOVE my layout and the custom header I made.  It took me FOREVER considering I have no idea how to do computer programming and such.  So, that stuff will be staying.  I have a few really interesting (to me at least) ideas that will be worked into posts in the next few days/weeks.  But seriously, who else lets demands and 'have to' stuff get in the way of 'want to' stuff?!  I'm sad that I've walked away for something that makes me happy for so long.  Writing is therapeutic for me.  I write every single day without fail.  I really enjoy this format of writing a lot though.  When I share a struggle or an important discovery, it makes me feel good.  Its nice to think that when I've made a mistake or come to a new realization I can post it here and maybe, just maybe someone will read it and benefit from what I've gone through.  Anyway, I'm going to get back to this (I know, I know... I've said it before) because doing what you enjoy is JUST as important as keeping your responsibilities in check. I'm TERRIBLE about carving out time for doing things just for myself.  This is one of those things, so I will be MAKING myself devote some serious time to blogging in the next couple weeks.

So, what's you hobby/pastime that sometimes takes a backseat to less fun things?

Books!

I love to read.  seriously. LOVE.

Text books. Novels. Nonfiction. Magazines. Blogs.  You name it, I'll read it.  Last weekend I was at work reading a book after the kids were asleep (The Art of Racing in the Rain... great read!) and I got into a conversation with coworkers about reading.  Most of them said that they HATED to read.  HATED.  I save that word for things like the dentist or waking up before 9am.  I couldn't believe that they hated books!!!

Anyway, I started to wonder if I was in the minority as a voracious reader. (I've read two novels, two memoirs, this month's copies of my favorite magazines - Vogue, Glamor, Real Simple, and the required school readings so far this month.... no bragging, just an illustration that books really are important to me!)  A bit of researching let me to the statistic that after graduation 42% of people with a college degree will never read another book.  HOW DEPRESSING!!!  I am a proponent of EVERYONE reading!  A little while back I came across this list of reasons that we should all read classic literature...  I think all these are great ideas.  Its wonderful to escape into another world, relax, AND to gain all these other things:

1. Bigger Vocabulary
When reading the classics you’ll come across many words that are no longer commonly used. Why learn words most people don’t use? To set yourself apart. Having a bigger vocabulary is like having a tool box with more tools. A larger arsenal of words enables you to express yourself more eloquently. You’ll be able to communicate with precision and create a perception of higher intelligence that will give you an advantage in work and social situations.


2. Improved Writing Ability
Reading the classics is the easiest way to improve your writing. While reading you unconsciously absorb the grammar and style of the author. Why not learn from the best? Great authors have a tendency to take over your mind. After reading, I’ve observed that my thoughts begin to mirror the writer’s style. This influence carries over to writing, helping form clear, rhythmic sentences.


3. Improved Speaking Ability
Becoming a better speaker accompanies becoming a better writer because both are caused by becoming a better thinker. Studying works of genius will teach you to express yourself with clarity and style. By improving your command of the English language, you’ll become more persuasive, sound more intelligent, and enjoy an advantage over less articulate people.


4. Fresh Ideas
Isn’t it ironic that the best source for new ideas are writers who’ve been dead for centuries? I’ve derived some of my best ideas directly from the classics. It makes sense when you consider the competition. Everyone you know is reading the same popular blogs and bestselling books. Observing the same ideas as everyone else leads to generic and repetitive thinking. No wonder it’s difficult to sound original! By looking to the classics for inspiration you can enhance your creativity and find fresh subject matter.


5. Historical Perspective
Somebody who reads only newspapers and at best the books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely nearsighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous.There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century. What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind.


6. Educational Entertainment
Reading great books is fun. The key is getting past the initial vocabulary barrier. It’s actually less difficult than you think. Even challenging authors use a limited vocabulary. After the initial learning curve, you’ll find the classics as readable as modern books and infinitely more stimulating. Classics have endured because of entertainment value. There’s a reason filmmakers keep remaking old books — they have the best content.


7. Sophistication
If you’d like to excel in conversation, knowledge of the classics is essential. These are books that keep coming up. They’re a part of human history that isn’t going to disappear in 10 years like 99% of books on the bestsellers list. By reading the classics you gain a deeper appreciation of ideas generally taken for granted. Plus quoting Aristotle or Voltaire is a great way to win an argument.


8. More Efficient Reading
Truly great books don’t come around every year. If you only read contemporary literature, you’re drawing from a diluted pool. Why not make the most of your reading time by finding the best of the best?


9. Develop a Distinct Voice
If you’re a writer/blogger, ignoring the classics is a mistake. This has nothing to do with subject matter. Regardless of what you write about, you need to be persuasive and develop a distinct voice. The best way to learn is from the masters. I’ve seen several articles recommend examples of good writing — they’ve all been other blogs. I have a feeling most people reading this article already read enough blogs. Spending some time with the classics will give you an edge.


10. Learn Timeless Ideas
We like to believe, in our modern arrogance, that technology has changed everything. In truth, it feels the same to be alive today as it did a thousand years ago. The lessons of the classics carry as much weight as ever. They contain information that is directly applicable to your life.





In closing, I’d like to briefly anticipate criticism. This is not an attack on everything modern. To read nothing but the classics would be as foolish as completely ignoring them. The aim is to combine the wisdom of the past with the innovation of the future. The two are inextricably linked — the best books are yet to be written. Also, this is not an appeal to snobbery. Quite the opposite. Reading the classics is a cheap hobby. Used copies can be borrowed from the library or purchased for 1/20 the cost of trendy books that are the talk of high society. Please stop associating the classics with your English Lit. Professor.

Whatever you do, don't be in that 42%... you're missing out!  The closing is a quote by George RR Martin (author of The Game of Thrones series... which I'm reading now. FANTASTIC!)

Worry.

Hello all. I'm back. MY life has been crazy for a while now. Admittedly I stopped doing some of the things that I used to love. I let school, work, life get in the way of me having MY time. I used to take plenty of time to keep up my blog. It was where I expressed my thoughts, where I celebrated triumphs, where I sought advice, or wrote out advice for others (which was really for myself most of the time.) Anyway, I just got bogged down in life. I've been stressed and depressed. Anyway, its time for me to do some things for me again... as such I'm back. I know what you're thinking... I've said that before. Its ok... I know that actions speak louder than words, so in five or ten posts I'll say I told you so.

 Anyway, something I really struggle with is worry. I'm sure i've posted about this before... but its an ongoing thing, so I'm discussing it again. My bff Kiley and I are always talking about how much we worry. We are always texting or calling to ask the others interpretation of a comment, action, event. I can look objectively at her world and she at mine, but when it comes to our own situations we get all paranoid. So today i started reading about worry. I really liked this quote that I found.

 “I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain

 This describes me totally. I worry about things that never happen. I'm butchering the pig, but nobody wants bacon. It occurred to me today that worry is a behavior. As such I choose to do it. I'm of the opinion that every behavior we choose serves a purpose or meets a need (thats related to my theory of counseling, but you probably don't care about that... unless your one of my classmates in which case refer to choice theory for my basis there haha). Anyway, if this is a behavior (habitual as it may be) I can choose to STOP that behavior. Easier said than done... but following are some ways I intend to accomplish this goal.

First though I found some interesting statistics about worry (yes, from reliable sources). I'm not gonna lie, some of these made me feel stupid for worrying all the time. When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:

40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.

30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.

12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.

10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.

8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…

4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.

4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.

Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions: How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control? Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill? (this is my downfall seriously) Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?

 So what can we do? Here's what Ive come up with from a little reading. I'm seriously going to be taking these things into practice ASAP... this worry drains me.

 1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.

 2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.

 3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.

 4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.

 5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.

 6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.

 7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.

 8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)

 9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.

 10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.

 11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!

 12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).

 There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.If this is a struggle for you like it is for me, I hope it gets better. If you've got something else that helps calm your worry post it in a comment... I know I need all the help I can get.

The meantime.

So... Its been a while since I've posted an in depth blog. I'll be getting back to that starting well... now.

Since I've started on third shift I've gotten to know some new people. At night obviously the patients are asleep and there is sometimes not that much to do. As such, we talk to each other... a lot. Topics range from current events (Casey Anthony has been a big debate topic lately), personal preferences, hypothetical situations, would you rather, and all sorts of other things. One of the things that seem to come up the most is future plans. Constantly one of us is saying "When I get to.." or "After _____ is done...". My go to phrase of this nature is "When I get finished with grad school...". I know this isn't specific to me or my coworkers, but its just something that I've noticed in our conversations. We all look forward to the future. Everyone has a milestone that they are looking forward to... for some its a graduation; others look forward to a wedding, a baby, or a promotion. whether its something with a specific date, or just an event that we want at some point, everyone is anticipating something. And while we're at it, lets be honest... we HATE to wait. We reserve tables at restaurants, get movie tickets in advance, and buy things online to avoid waiting in crowds.

Anyway, all this talk about future plans got me to thinking... what do you do in the mean time? How do you make the most of right now while still looking forward to what's to come? I've been chewing on this question for a while now. Partly because this anticipation seems so rampant through casual conversation, and partly because I struggle with the issue myself. I've read a little bit and I came up with a few ideas about making the most of the present while anticipating the future.

Do not boast about [what you’re going to do] tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1

The truth of the matter though, is that no matter how worried we are or how much we hate to wait, God operates at HIS pace. We can't rush him or slow him down. God knows what he's doing and he operates at a certain pace for a reason. The 'wait time' we experience can be a valuable time to grow and learn life lessons.

Even when it doesn't seem like it, God is in control of the situation. Sometimes we feel like he's doing nothing, but the truth is that he's not doing anything we can SEE. Its sometimes difficult to trust, but God tells us that he is always at work, and some of his handy work we wouldn't even believe:

"Look around at the nations; look and be amazed! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it” (Habakkuk 1:5).

I read an article about waiting recently that was really interesting. Its important to remember that some of the most prominent figures in the Bible had to wait for God's blessing too:Abraham waited 25 years before his wife Sarah gave birth to their first child. Joseph slogged through 13 years of betrayal, false imprisonment and abandonment before assuming the leadership of Egypt. Moses spent 40 years tending sheep before God called him as a deliverer of His people. David spent 14 years before he took the throne of Israel that had been promised to him. And in Jesus’ own ministry, He often told His disciples, “My hour has not yet come.” We aren't the only ones waiting...

We're so anxious for that “next step,” that we don't enjoy the present. We just ruminate on what we yet have. But James 1:4 reminds us to “let patience have her perfect work.” Just because we are technically waiting doesn’t mean we can’t be accomplishing valuable things. Times of uncertainty and doubt are useful periods in which we can draw into God, hone our skills and prepare for the time when that big thing comes along! So, in these times what should we be doing? The Bible offers a couple really good ideas about handling an uncertain future.

1. Let God set your goals. It’s silly to make any plans without first consulting God. He’s the only one who does know the future, and he’s eager to guide you through it. So, why wouldn't we talk about the future with him as much as possible? The Bible says “We may make our plans, but God has the last word” (Proverbs 16:1). In other words, planning without praying is presumption. This is never a good idea. Start by praying, “God, what do you want me to do?”

2. Live one day at a time. While you can plan for tomorrow, you can’t live in tomorrow until it arrives. Most people spend so much time regretting the past and worrying about the future, they have no time for today! Commit to making the most of each moment every single day. Jesus said, “Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too." So, the best course of action is to live one day at a time. (Matthew 6:34).

3. Don’t procrastinate. Procrastinating is a subtle trap that sooo many of us (including me) fall into on a regular basis. Procrastination wastes today by postponing things until tomorrow. We promise ourselves that we will do it “one of these days,” but then days continue to come and go and our tasks remain unfinished. Id we want to get to the big thing, then we have to get started on the little things now. The Bible says, “Do not boast about [what you’re going to do] tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth” (Proverbs 27:1).

What have you planned to do that you haven’t done yet? When do you intend to start working on it? Is it what God wants you to work on? It seems that these are the key to making the most of the meantime.

Test.

Tonight I was in the first session of my developmental psychology class. Dr. Crews emailed us the first reading assignment a few weeks ago and I knocked it out immediately. Tonight he uttered those dreaded words... please put everything away except a pen.

After a pop quiz which killed the spirit of the entire class I did better than many people around me, but nowhere near where I'd like to preform on my first test of grad school. Dr. Crews began to speak. He said that the grade didn't count and that we could retrieve our aper after class. He said that he didn't want to pass out the papers and see the grades at all.

Dr. Crews spent the next minute talking to us about our purpose in grad school. He told us that the only people in our program that care about grades we us, the students. Our professors care about facilitating our learning and leading us on the path of learning about ourselves and discovering how to be effective counselors. He assured us that we would have academic successes and failures while we were at Winthrop, but that those weren't the most important aspect of our experience. He told us that he was going to give us just enough information to make us dangerous as a counselor. Its our responsibility to make the most of our learning experience and to work toward being a responsible, competent practitioner.

Throughout this encouraging talk I kept thinking of a passage in Colossians...


Colossians 3:23 (The Message)
22-25 Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.



How hard is it for us to remember to do everything as if for God when we are forced into doing things we do not like? I mean sometimes you just don't feel like finishing the dishes, getting up on time, heading in to work, reading another chapter before class. This is especially daunting for those of us who like to be in control. The simplest task can become enormous when we dislike it. But, when we approach the task from a different place-- when we do it out of love for the Lord, we often find that the task is not as bad as we thought.

For me, things aren't difficult because I don't like them... but no matter how much you appreciate school or a job, sometimes you'd rather just get some sleep or see your family. I'm finding that sacrifice and discipline are easier when you keep in mind why you're doing what you do. Even in the midst of suffering, if we approach it from the standpoint that there is a purpose in it from and for God, we can endure anything.

I found encouragement in an unexpected source today, and just wanted to share.

A brief brief.

This is going to be a relatively short post. Thats mainly due to the fact that I have zero time to spare these days. Just wanted to post a quick update since I started grad school classes this week. God REALLY blessed me with this opportunity, and I thought i was well aware of that until I went to class. Then I really realized what an experience this is going to be. My professors are intelligent and accomplished and seem really passionate about preparing us to be good therapists. My classmates have all been really friendly and seem like a great group of people to go through this process with. I've already been assigned a healthy amount of work, but honestly, I am SO excited about all of it that I don't even mind sacrificing to get everything done. I can already se that this is going to be difficult at times, but that I'm not only going to learn a lot about helping others, but about God, and myself too.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying about this with me. Love you!


"Did you ever observe to whom the accidents happen? Chance favors only the prepared mind." - Louis Pasteur

Generations.

I've posted this on facebook before, but I thought it warranted a second posting... Its just really thought provoking.

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from Jesus.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

Read the message, then read it again in reverse.

Which generation do you belong in?

BIGGER.

FYI This post is about to get real. I'm going to be a lot more transparent than I normally am, and I think that's saying something. Writing this blog literally made me cry... so be kind to it if you don't mind.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a big girl. I've never been very small. I Can't think of one time in my life. That doesn't really bother me though. I am comfortable with who I am. Sure there are times that I wish I was different, but everyone feels that way from time to time. As such, I never really concerned myself with weight loss or healthiness. I pretty much did what I wanted...

UNTIL.

A couple months ago I gave up meat. Upon becoming a vegetarian I immediately dropped about 20 pounds. That feels good. People comment about me and I LOVE it. I can wear jeans that I haven't been able to wear since I was a college freshman... and they didn't even fit all that well back then. Anyway, I didn't give up meat to lose weight (ask if you'd like to know the reasoning behind that decision). I didn't plan on doing anything else to lost weight or become healthier...

UNTIL.

As you know (if you read my blog regularly) I've been actively seeking God on my own for the first time in my life. I used to take in whatever Christian leaders said as the truth and spit it back out whenever necessary (my case of spiritual bulimia). Anyway, I started trying to incorporate God into the things I loved in life... One of those things was following lots of very intelligent Christian bloggers. These guys really know that everyday things (music, art, social media) can be a ministry... which is JUST what I am striving to incorporate into my life. One of the guys I follow is Perry Noble of NewSpring Church (check out his blog... link in my blog roll.)

Pastor Noble recently posted a blog about overcoming obesity. I thought this was a little odd, as I didn't know that he'd ever been overweight in the first place. The essence of his blog was eat less, exercise more. I already knew this. HOWEVER, one point knocked me on my ass (excuse the language... it was purely to make a point... I was pretty taken aback at the following thought.)

He quoted 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which I'd heard plenty of times.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."


Now, when I read this verse I always heard 'don't do drugs, don't have sex with random people etc.' and I thought I was doing pretty well with that. But when Pastor Perry read these verses he apparently heard (and I'm quoting)

"I am a steward of the body (temple) that God has given me…and how I take care of it tells the world what I think and feel about Christ."

I literally teared up (and I still do a little even now) thinking that my living an unhealthy lifestyle tells God that I don't love him and I don't value what he's given to me. The more I thought about it, the more I began to see that I had to do something about this. I immediately thought of the following verse from Hebrews (10:26)

"If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left."

Reading that, how could I knowingly keep abusing God's temple? If someone doesn't think that how we steward the body God gave us matters to him, then that is a SERIOUS spiritual issue. I am under no impression that God is going to be able to fully bless me or use me for his purposes when I have strongholds and areas of my life where I refuse to honor him. And, I'll be honest, there is nothing I want more than to be blessed and used by God, so clearly something has to change.

The church in the US doesn't al all address this SIN. Thats what it is SIN. And this SIN kills more people every year than alcohol... yet for some reason we don't talk about it. ESPECIALLY in baptist churches. Instead we have potlucks and ice cream socials. Well, that's not going to work for me anymore. This is a spiritual issue that needs to be addressed.

I guess the main reason I'm writing this blog is to take ownership of the fact that being overweight (just like every other sin in my life) is my own fault. I hope that you know if you're overweight, or if you are harming your body in another way (smoking, drinking, drugs, whatever) that its a spiritual issue. Being a poor steward of the body God gave you is just as bad as being a poor steward of the money you take in. Apart from totally surrendering that sin to God, its impossible to be totally in his will... and I don't want that for me or for anyone else. To be in the bondage of food (or something else) because we refuse to make the necessary changes (that we know we need to make) is just silly.

So, what REALLY convinced me that it was time to handle this issue, please God with my body, and ultimately get more into God's will for my life? Well, it was this paragraph, that I'm taking from the end of Pastor Noble's blog... (quoting him here)


"BUT…if I can do this…so can you!!! No temptation can overcome someone who is in Christ (I Corinthians 10:13!) This issue IS NOT BIGGER THAN CHRIST IN YOU…in Him you have the discipline, the potential and the victory just waiting on you to LIVE IN IT! (See I Corinthians 15:57-58) You CAN do this…and trust me, when you do you will feel SO MUCH BETTER…you will have the ENERGY to do what you want and need to do and you will have the INTEGRITY to speak to others about how to get past the issues that hold them back…because you fought the one that held you back!"

So, you might not have the weight struggle that I have. But I'm willing to bet that there is something in your life that you can surrender... So. What are you waiting for? Give it up already. After all, that issue is NOT BIGGER THAN CHRIST IN YOU! =)

Resolution.

I took a little break from blogging during the Christmas rush. I didn't necessarily want to as blogging is fun to me (geeky, I know) but I haven't really had any free time in the last 2 weeks. I worked through Christmas break and then did all the normal family stuff too, so that left little time for blogging... or sleeping, but thats another story. Anyway, my lack of blogging doesn't at all indicate a lack of thinking or reading, so I've got a lot of 'material' if you will.

I think Christmas is a lot of people's favorite holiday... maybe MOST people's favorite actually. Personally, I've never really been a HUGE fan of the Christmas season. Don't get me wrong. No part of me is anything other than ecstatic about Jesus' birth. I mean every good thing in my life is connected to Jesus, and without his birth well... to put it lightly, I sure wouldn't be where I am now. (Nor would you for that matter.) What I mean is that I don't like the average person's interpretation of Christmas. I don't like the fact that people pretend to like others who they loathe the rest of the year. I don't like that kids are more concerned with Santa than Jesus. I don't like that we (even me!) get so caught up in who got what. I'll tell you the best thing I ever got for Christmas... my savior.

If you've read my blog with any regularity over the last several months you know I've been making a lot of changes and (as a friend described it recently) coming back to my first love, Jesus. I'll be the first one to tell you that I strayed a LOT, and for WAY too long. But by the grace of God, I'm forgiven, and I am putting in the work to change LOTS of things. And the Christmas season provided a LOT of temptation and struggle in that work that I've been doing. How so? People pushing me in the mall. People being materialistic and tempting me to do the same. Me having to work around everyone else's schedule. Working TONS of hours, losing sleep, and just being CRANKY. To be totally honest, I'm kind of glad that Christmas has come and gone.... now on to one of my favorite holidays... NEW YEARS.

So why do I like the New Year? Well, its the same reason I always like the beginning of the school year when I was a kid. I'm all about a new beginning! Of course with Jesus every day is a new start... but seriously, for an organizational, check list kind of person like me, the New Year is a good mile marker along the way... a good place to make changes. Now, I'm getting to what I've been thinking about for the last few days, and what you probably guessed this post was about when you read the title...

So, as you know, when I want to do something, know something, blog about something, the very first thing I do is google it. Yep. I know thats silly, but its true. I am a google-aholic. I checked out a lot of stuff about new years resolutions. I have always be ADAMANTLY against such nonsense, as I don't like setting myself up for failure, and I had a sneaking suspicion that the most common resolutions were things that were difficult to accomplish. I looked... Lose weight, quit smoking, quit drinking, get out of debt. Yep, I'm right. Well, this made me wonder WHY people suck at keeping these resolutions. I didn't have to google too much to answer this question... as a mental health professional, I already pretty much knew why these goals are rarely ever reached. Two things. First, they show little resolve. I mean, if you aren't really motivated, then its HIGHLY unlikely that you'll reach your goal... and few of us can motivate ourselves to sufficiently deny our urges to eat, smoke, spend or whatever it is after we've developed the habit. Secondly, what does 'losing weight, getting out of debt' etc look like? Technically if you lose a pound then you lost weight, but I suspect that few would be satisfied with this. A goal needs to be concrete, that way we'll know when we met it. Writing goals down, telling others, and setting dates tend to be good strategies for seeing significant accomplishment. I've been praying for guidance about what God would have to work toward in 2011. To be honest, I don't see myself setting a goal to lose 20 pounds or save 1000 dollars. Thats just not my style. So, I've prayed for guidance about something that will work for me, and here's what I came up with.

Over the last few weeks I have come across several adjectives when I was reading Scripture or other books, listening to sermons, or in songs. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I spend 2011 cultivating certain characteristics (those adjectives I was talking about) in my own life, then I would naturally meet certain goals, fulfill some of the resolutions that most people struggle to accomplish. I'm sure that makes no sense, so let me explain. If I strive to cultivate simplicity in my life in 2011, I'll naturally save money and avoid debt. I don't need any more STUFF, and if I spend 2011 reminding myself of that and implementing that idea into my daily life, then I'll naturally have more money to pay bills, tithe to my church etc. I've been thinking, and I've divided my list into things I want to DO, things I want to BE, and things (characteristics, not stuff) I want to HAVE in 2011...

My macbook is about to die, and I've been monopolizing a table at Starbucks for quite some time now, so I think I'll tackle each of those ideas in its own blog post and tell you what I'm looking forward to tackling more specifically in each of those areas. Just thought should share that perspective before the New Year in case anyone else was looking for a new way to think about resolutions this time around... more to come... probably a lot more.

30.

Sometimes I want to write a blog, but I don't really know what to write about. I am not really under the impression that anyone reads my blogs, but I for some reason worry about it when I haven't written in a while. Its strange, I know. I suppose I don't want to disappoint the attentive two person audience... such a people pleaser. ugh. I'm not sure why I start out by saying that, because I actually have something to write about today.

Yesterday while I was at work I was talking to a coworker, Mr.Mac. Mac works part time at NHC and is a teacher and coach the rest of the time. We started talking about high school and he pointed out to me that its basically 3 years until my ten year reunion. He told me to fix anything I needed to fix now before I had to see those people again. hahaha

Now I don't care at all about impressing people from high school, and I probably won't even go to that reunion anyway. So, why am I writing all this then? Well, that conversation with Mr. Mac got me thinking about things that I want to do... so here's my list of thirty things I want to do before I am thirty....

1. Get my picture taken on the zebra walk at Abbey Road.
2. finish my masters degree
3. write a book of some sort
4. new years eve in times square
5. take a surfing lesson
6. learn to say 'i love you' in 50 languages
7. learn to play a song on a musical instrument (any will do)
8. take a dancing class
9. take a trip by train
10. go scuba diving.
11. drive across the country.
12. visit the Grand Canyon.
13. see the Sydney Opera house in Australia
14. go to the Smithsonian (I feel like I should have done this already)
15. Mardi Gras
16. learn to play chess.
17. become a wine connoisseur
18. read ever book that won the Pulitzer prize for fiction
19. watch all of AFI's 100 funniest movies
20. be able to donate an entire paycheck to charity
21. Meet Justin Timberlake! =)
22. get over my fear of needles and donate blood
23. own my own home.
24. have an article/research published in a psychological journal.
25. pay off student loans.
26. understand anything about my finances
27. POSSIBLY get married... (we will see about that one)
28. spend a year as a vegetarian
29. build an impressive record collection
30. watch the Braves win a world series.


OK. thats the list for now... if you know anything I should add then let me know =)