It starts with me

You know what annoys me?

"People say... "
"They think..."

Don't you hear this like ALL the time?
I do... and it irritates the heck out of me.

"You know... they say that horizontal stripes make you look fat."
"You know... people say you aren't allowed to wear white pants after labor day..."

Seriously. Who are these people? Why do THEY get to dictate what we can or cannot do and/or wear? Why the hell do we listen to "them"?  I've been thinking about this sort of stuff a lot lately. As anyone who knows me personally already is aware, I'm a plus size girl. Hold the phones, I dare say... I'm fat. OMG did I actually say that? Hell yes, I absolutely did!

Here's the thing about it though... the only person who ever calls me fat... is me.  Sure sure, there was the rude kid in school who said something out of the way, but that was in middle school, and since I'm 27 now that's sort of way in the past. Nobody at a clothing store is ever like HEY YOU, I know that comes in your size but its horizontal stripes, and that's not something fat girls should wear! The only person who ever tells me things like that is me.

I never really thought about the messages that I told myself until I started grad school.  In the counseling field we talk a lot about schema and self talk and all that other cognitive stuff. Anyway, for whatever reason (which I sort of know... but don't want to blast people who helped shaped my thought processes... its not really anyone's fault per se... we just don't realize how messages 'stick') I always corrected myself about things I could do/not do, wear/not wear, think/not think because i was fat.

(side note: FAT is NOT a bad word. Its not an insult. Its just an adjective. Its not insulting to say a girl is a redhead or a guy is black.  Its not bad, its just what it.... same with the word fat. So yeah, I call myself that. I also call myself southern, smart, redhead, preppy, white (pale really haha) etc and none of that makes people think I hate my body... neither should fat. Its just how I am... and I don't mind that damn it!)

Ugh... chased a rabbit. Terrible habit. Back to what I was saying... Nobody ever comes up to me and says I can't do something because of my size.  I lived with limitations for a LONG time that I thought were from the outside... but now I'm really beginning to see that they are self-imposed. I thought I couldn't get a boy to like me in high school, so I didn't date. NEVER did one of my girlfriends tell me I couldn't get a date, I told myself that... and I didn't try. NEVER has someone told me that I shouldn't wear shorts or a tank top or whatever else, but for a long time I told myself that "people say that." Nobody ever said that I shouldn't have long hair, I just had it in my head that I couldn't pull it off because I was a 'big girl' (thats what called myself back when I was scared of/embarrassed by the word fat.)  Seriously, all these ridiculous messages came from INSIDE MY HEAD!?

There was a time when I would have DIED if I had to call myself fat, much less write about it where someone might read it. This would have been a DEEP DARK SECRET that i was keeping from everyone.  Then one day I realized... people already know. Ummm duh. People look at me every day, and they can obviously tell that I'm not a size 6. Secondly, it didn't seem to really bother anyone... except me.  When I went out for ice cream with my friends, nobody was like "hey fat girl, drop that cone!" I, however, was certain that everyone was looking at me. (How self-centered was I?!) Seriously, who thinks everyone is looking at them when there are delicious deserts around?!  I was living life with a set of rules that SUCKED!  These rules were self-imposed. I wasn't 'allowed' to live fully because I was fat?! Excuse my bluntness, but thats bull shit. I DONT have to wear things to 'cover up'. I don't have to avoid eating in public. I don't have to pretend I want to be super skinny (I don't btw being fat is part of being me... I own it!), I don't have to lose weight to have a relationship (seriously, my bf is a total hottie!), and I DO NOT have to have a less fulfilling life just because I'm an awesome, fabulous FAT GIRL.

I'm gonna post more about fat acceptance, loving your body, and positive self-talk in the coming days, but for now I leave you with a positive thought below...  I'd love to hear your (kind) thoughts about body image! If you don't have something nice to say... well you know!

xoxo

Besties!

I'm off work tonight and I can't sleep. Since everyone else is in bed I've been playing around editing pictures.

I'm posting my favorite one... a collage of me and my three favorite girls in the world! Amber, April, Ashley, and I have been taking pictures in this pose since college. Its a tradition that I hope lasts a long time! I love these ladies!


Click on the picture to make it big! Its worth a look! =)



 

single.

I read this today and I thought it was something all my single girl friends could relate to.

"My Every Day Single Girl Prayer"
by Evelyn Worthington

Lord you know my heart, you know every part of me,
Help me to live this life, please fulfill this need.
I have this longing Lord, and you know what I mean,
I'm just praying you'll fill it up, so I can be freed.
Lord, I want your timing, but lately I'm lonely for only you know who.
That longing, that desire, that missing someone, who knows? only you!
So Lord, I pray he's out there, help me be patient and strong,
Help me to not struggle with this, and help me not to long,
Teach him what he needs to know, help me, Lord, depend on thee.
Help me not to be conceited, and not to depend on me.
Help me to be wise and lead me in your ways.
Help me to trust in only you and follow you all my days.
Some days are harder than others, but today I feel so alone.
Help me to find my strength in you, and in you to find my home.
If he's not out there, then Lord, my prayer's the same.
Lead me, guide me, help me to feel your love, and trust in Jesus' name.
God I come to you as your child, lead me, make me like you.
Teach me your holy ways O Lord and make me wholly devoted to you.


On another note... I'm thankful today for my friends Cristina and Rachel who both took the time to ask me how I was doing, and truly listened when I told them. You ladies are wonderful, and I'm glad God blessed me with you.

In The Market.

Hello everyone. First, a brief update:

I hope everyone's week is off to a good start. I have a sinus infection, so mine is moving kind of slowly. I laid around most of the day today. Hopefully, that rest started me on the road to getting better. My day off did give me time to FINALLY make a custom layout for my blog. I've been using generic layouts from blogger until now. It took me a while to get the hang of the html stuff, but by the end of my project I got pretty good at it. So, if anyone wants their own blog header let me know. I'll make you one, or show you how to make your own!

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week. Hopefully, I'll be getting better. I should hear about grad school this week (keep praying!) and April's bachelorette party is Friday night... which means I get to see all my girls! I got an apartment which I'll be moving into when my lease with April is up, and Saturday my mom and I are going to get some fabric to start on curtains for my new place! All in all, an exciting few days are coming up. Plus, its supposed to be 80 degrees Saturday!

Anyway, I've been a little slack with my blog lately, but I've been wanting to share some of the things that I've been thinking about lately.

A few weeks back, Pastor Steven spoke on the topic of honor at Elevation. He laid out a very easy to understand, practical method for increasing the amount of honor that we show to other people. The part of the series that really spoke to me was about honor being a lifestyle. He spoke about leading a lifestyle that you always do more than you have to. In my head I've started referring to this as the "and then some" mentality. I'm going to do what someone needs me to do "and then some."

Often times, I don't take advantage of opportunities because I simply don't notice them. This is the case with honor and with plenty of other things. Pastor Steven pointed out that we should be "in the market" for opportunities. For example, when I bought a yellow car I started noticing other yellow cars a LOT more. So, now I'm actively working to see opportunities to do positive things! The more and more I live for Jesus, the more I realize that its the little things that matter SO much. One little negative behavior starts a landslide that can take someone right back into the depths of their sinful nature. But on the other hand, one little positive, encouraging, honoring action can give someone the strength they need to keep going.

Just something to think about. =)

gentle and quiet.

I read a lot. Fiction. Nonfiction. Magazines. Newspapers. Blogs. Wikipedia articles (favorite pastime when I'm bored at work...). And of course, The Bible. So, usually I think about something I've read for a little bit, but before long I've read something else that works its way into the forefront of my mind. I say that so you'll understand how weird this next bit is. I read a piece of scripture more than a month ago, and its been rolling around in my brain on a daily basis since then. I don't mean to say that I normally read scripture and then forget it. But I also don't usually find that a specific phrase attaches itself to my brain quite as strongly as this one did. To be honest, I was almost... well... bothered by this scripture. Ok, so now I bet you're wondering what this scripture said that had me so... confused, annoyed, whatever I was. I still don't exactly know what to say about it. Here it is...

1 Peter 3:3-4 (New International Version)
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

The part that kept creeping back into my head was the phrase "gentle and quiet spirit." Why you ask?
Anyone who has spent more than about 2 minutes in the same room as me will tell you that I am not shy. I am outspoken. I am opinionated. I am loud. I have a BIG personality. I am the EXACT opposite of a wallflower. So when I read that God values GENTLE and QUIET I thought 'well geez, I'm screwed.' I want to be beautiful... ESPECIALLY in God's eyes, but I don't know about gentle and quite. In my head that's like saying God values women with brown eyes... well mine are blue... so what exactly am I supposed to do about this?

To be honest, 'gentle and quiet' sounded to me like the recipe for BORING. In order for me to be a good Christian woman I have to be meek, easy to dominate, and not talk too much? I think that the way I initially read these verses is the way LOTS of people interpret them. Actually, to be totally honest, I've met Christian women like that. And I don't want to be one. On the other hand I've known women who were outgoing and were made to feel less feminine or worse less holy because they had a strong personality. I suppose some people see such women as a threat to Christian tradition or male leadership.

Well, after thinking about all this for about a week I decided to do a little research and see what some other people had to say about interpreting these words. I just didn't believe that I needed to change my personality in order to be a Godly woman. After reading what some really credible Christian women had to say about this passage I started to feel a lot better.

First off, the passage says gentle and quiet SPIRIT not PERSONALITY. Look up the definitions... not the same thing at all. Your spirit is the thing underneath that drives your personality, but its not the same thing. This information was INSTANT relief to me. Meaning I can be strong, loud, passionate, opinionated and have a gentle quiet spirit underneath. Well, that revelation led me to my next question. What does an outgoing woman with a gentle quiet spirit look like in comparison to an outgoing woman without a gentle quiet spirit? So, more googling, reading, praying etc led me to the following conclusions... (understand of course that all of this isn't directly out of my head... I read some quite intelligent women's thoughts on this subject... but I don't think they'd mind my sharing.)

1. An outgoing woman with a gentle and quite spirit is confident, but not forceful while a woman without such a spirit will push, force, or manipulate until she gets her way. (A manipulative woman... SHOCK, right?!)

2. A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit can lead without controlling, while a woman without such a spirit seeks to have all the power. (How many women are self-described as type A?!)

3. A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is driven by her desire to serve (Christ and other people) but not by not her fear of failing, while a woman without such a spirit is scared of what will happen if she slows down.

4. A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is outspoken when the situation calls for it, but speaks with the grace and humility of Christ, while a woman without such a spirit MUST be heard no matter the repercussion.

5. A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is quick to listen and slow to speak (and THINKS before she does speak in order to communicate truth effectively), while a woman without such a spirit is pushy, harsh or overbearing.


As I read at some point in my 'investigation' the bulk of this situation comes down to having a spirit working out of peace or out of fear. We're driven by one or the other, and its all our choice as to which one it is. I've been in both situations in my adult life, and I can say that the peace is a FAR better choice. I have found that its an active day to day choice to live out of peace and to develop a gentle quiet spirit. As Pastor Steven noted in the last sermon series at Elevation, 'when we give God the highest glory, he gives us his deepest peace.' And when I'm at peace I'm able to have that gentle and quiet spirit that God finds so beautiful. It amazed me how God just fit all these little pieces together to make one big message for me.

So, if you're loud and outgoing like me, then keep it up. Just do it as a way to glorify God, not to get attention. As I mentioned in a blog a few weeks back, the thing that makes you unique is the thing that makes you powerful (Thanks to Pastor Steven for that clever turn of phrase.) A gentle and quiet spirit doesn't equal a boring personality. Its just an anchor that ties your God given personality to Christ and makes you even more unique, so embrace it. Thats what I'm working on. =)