judges

I haven't updated a lot lately because I've been preparing for a really big test.  Last Friday my classmates and I took the CPCE.  We commonly call the test comps (though I think the black death would be a more fitting name.) Let me tell you... that test was DIFFICULT.  It wasn't really even the questions that stumped me.  Its just the whole process.  I spent four years in undergraduate learning the basics of psychology.  Then I spent three years learning the ins and outs of mental health treatment with adolescents.  After that I've spent the last three years working on a master's degree that  tells the people around me that I know what I'm doing when it comes to counseling.  It tells people I've dedicated my professional life to work and that I worked hard learning how to help people.  I couldn't really put my finger on why comps had me so rattled until earlier today... well yesterday I suppose. I've always been a really good test taker, so it wasn't test anxiety. It was the judgement part that really got to me.  I had to demonstrate that I was a good counselor in such a specific way.  I know that I have a passion for counseling.  I know that God led me to a career in counseling.  I really don't think that I would be happy or effective doing anything else for the rest of my career.  For me (and my colleagues based on conversations I've had) counseling is such a personal thing. It really becomes more than your job.  Its a part of who I am.  The 160 questions on comps asked about theories and names and dates.  There was no space on that scantron sheet to demonstrate my heart for counseling... which in my opinion is the most important part.  My desire to help others isn't east to see on a test like that.  That just really bothered me.  They judge our skills without being able to see the most important part.

So what made me realize that?  Today in supervision at the hospital we were talking about MLK and being members of a minority.  As anyone who keeps up with my blog (all two of you) knows I am really passionate about being body positive and making sure that people aren't marginalized because of their physical characteristics. I've really come to love my plus sized body.  Even so, tons of people aren't ok with plus sized people.  Its a real thing to shame fat people.  I have just as much right to feel good about myself as anyone else does.  Usually I just look past that and do my own thing, but this incident was a little different.  Someone I really admire made comments that left me feeling quite judged. I decided to bring it up today even though I was sure the offense wasn't intentional.  The situation isn't exactly resolved, but the awareness makes me feel a little bit better. 

When I was talking about the situation I felt a familiar feeling from last week creep up again.  Thats when I realized that in both situations (the confrontation and the comps exam) I was really bothered by being judged.  Just like the test didn't reflect my knowledge in my opinion, I think my outside and others perceptions aren't always reflective of me.  People (including me) jump to conclusions and judge people.  These two incidents have really given me heightened awareness about passing judgement. I think its something that we can all get a better handle on. It legitimately hurt me when I thought that I have been the cause of that judged feeling in other people.  I didn't like feeling it myself, but even more so I didn't like thinking that i may have CAUSED that feeling at some point. 

So how to we do better at withholding judgement?  I have come up with a little list of things to keep track of, think about, and do to be the least judgmental I can be.  I read a bit and compiled them from various ideas and discussions I've had. Anyway, this is just my plan.  What are your ideas?  Here are a few of mine...

1. Build your own confidence. We've all heard this since elementary school.  The kids who bully just feel insecure about themselves.  Cliche, but true to an extent.  Its easier not to judge others when you feel good about yourself.

2. Cut yourself a break. We are our worst critic. When you are overly critical of yourself, you tend to be overly critical of others. When I treat myself with compassion that kindness to spills over to everyone else.

3. Be open-minded. It's important to live according to your values and beliefs. Just remember to grant others that same courtesy. You don't have to agree with people's choices, but you must be willing to live and let live if you want to be less judgmental.

4. Face your fears. It is human nature to fret over the unknown. That being said, prejudice thrives on the unwillingness to learn. Get out of your comfort zone and see what happens. 

5. Avoid gossip. If you want to be less judgmental, then clamoring for the latest dirt won't support that goal. Skip the tabloids and all the other sources of gossip.  Learn from people firsthand instead. 

6. Celebrate diversity. Differences encourage progress. Find common ground with those who are different from you.  Then use that as a springboard to learn about the aspects that you DONT have in common.  You might learn something new. 

So, those are a few things that I will be working on over the next little bit! Thanks for reading.  Feel free to share your experiences with judging or being judged.

xoxo.

Themes

In counseling we talk a lot about themes. Sessions and sessions go by and themes start to emerge. In counseling we refer to these kinds of things as schemas. A person has patterns in behavior and thought and insight into those really helps make changes.

Sometimes we see themes in life too. I have been seeing lots of things lately in my life that all fall into line... Here's some of what I've been seeing lately...

From a book...

                                             

from a TV show...

and in my own life... (Taken from a journal entry written for my hospital internship)

"This place is really a sort of microcosm for the world at large.Things never slow down, but once in a while I find solace in small places and spaces of time. My moments of solitude are even more precious here as I see people hurry past me. The fluster serves to highlight my own stillness and I find myself wondering as I sit here why I don't look for that in life outside the hospital walls. I'm often times in such a hurry. Sometimes you have to hurry, especially here at the hospital. But the more I watch people rush, the more I see that there are some things you simply can't rush through. You can't rush through emotion. Boy do I want to sometimes. You can't rush sadness.You sometimes have to sit there in it. Let it envelope you. Even though it doesn't feel good. I've been looking for the words to put to that for weeks now. And as I sit here it has finally come together in a few sentences that make a little sense. I was reading a book the other day and a line jumped out and bit me, attached itself to me... "That's the thing about sadness, pain. It just demands to be felt" . I couldn't say why those words clung to me so tightly until right now, but I see it now. The more you deny pain the right to be felt the greater the demand becomes until there's nothing you can do about it.
Through the semester so far I've found that my work here isn't what I thought it would be. I expected to work with or on behalf of patients here, but I am seeing that the bulk of my work here is on myself. I think that this program at winthrop has been easier for me in a lot of ways than it has for other students. I have a really easy time with the academic side of things. I've always made really good grades, and almost any subject I can grasp fairly easily. I don't say that to sound arrogant, but because it demonstrates how this year is a new experience for me. I've always been able to skate by. I could not crack a book all semester and still end up with Bs in all my classes. But this...This work that I'm doing now, this work on myself...There's no short cut. There's no way to handle this overwhelming sadness except to feel it, so sit in it, to embrace it. Because to choose not to feel it, to push it away is to deny the significance of someone or something in my life..."

People say that things come in threes... and maybe that's true.  Stop and look around.  When things seem to be repeating maybe its because there's a lesson waiting to be learned.

xoxo

Better.

Its the time of the year when I get REALLY stressed out.  Everything is almost due at school.  The holidays are approaching which means balancing a work schedule (my line of work doesn't shut down unfortunately), finding time for my family/friend commitments, and of course the dreaded holiday shopping. With all this STUFF, its sometimes hard to still enjoy things. As such, here are five ways I make the day better.

1. Call a loved one.  Every day.
CALL (not text) someone you love.  Just say hi, catch up etc.  For me, its my mom.  I call her every single day without exception.  Even if its two minutes to say I love you, it always improves my day.  Of course you don't have to call the same person every day.  I also call my sister a good bit.  We prefer Skype to telephone calls.  We spend an hour or so about once a week skyping and I always look forward to our chats.

2. Organize.
Clutter leads to stress.  Guess what alleviates the stress?  Organization.  People sometimes think I'm OCD because I clean so much.  I just know that I have issues with anxiety.  Having a clean organized space lessens my stress and anxiety A LOT, so I just know to stay on top of it.  Plus, cleaning is pretty good exercise if you do a good job of it... and exercise helps reduce stress too... its win win!

3. Do something for someone else.
This is one of my favorites!  Doing something for someone else makes you feel good!  Don't ask for credit or a favor in return.  The good feeling is your reward!  I most often do little things for my boyfriend since he's right in the same house.  I'll wash his work uniform without being asked, leave a little sweet treat on his nightstand, or make him a breakfast when he wakes up on his day off.  It makes him happy and that makes me happy...

4. Express yourself.
Blog, sing, journal, paint... do something creative.  I do lots of creative things.  Some (like writing) I'm pretty good at.  Others (like crochet) I'm well, not so good at.  Either way, it makes me feel really good to create, express myself, think outside my normal realm of work/school. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something you're really good at!

5. Don't put it off.
This is one I sometimes struggle with.  It stinks to go to bed with a sink full of dishes or a dryer full of clothes.  Why?  Because when you wake up they're still there!  Getting it done and waking up without a completely full plate always feels good.

How do you make things better?

Yowza!

Today one of my grad school friends commented something to the effect of "I didn't know you had a blog..."

WHOOPS. I have neglected it for far too long. I used to actually have readers. I used to have a kind of theme going. Life got in the way and my blog has been unloved for the last few months. Well I'd love to update everyone on whats been going on, but so much has passed that I am not sure I can even think of everything...

I finished last semester with a 4.0 at school. This semester seems to be our hardest. I'm working hard, but I dont know what my 4.0 will look like after this semester. I am doing my practicum at an elementary school this semester and I LOVE it. I am having lots of fun with the kids and learning tons of new things.

I've been sick for the last week and a half. Finally I am starting to get over this bronchitis. I missed school and work. It sucked to be stuck in the house all week, but at least now I can tell i am getting a little better.

That's pretty much all thats been going on in my life. More to come soon... Thanks Spencer for inspiring me to get back to my blogging!

Excitement.

"Sometimes what you wanted isn't what you get, BUT in the end, what you get is SO much better than what you thought you wanted!"

This is so so so true. I thought I knew what I wanted. I prayed and prayed for a relationship to work out and it still fell apart. I was devastated and thought I'd never find anything better. Little did I know, someone better than I could EVER imagine was right around the corner.

We struggled through a long distance relationship for months now, and its FINALLY time for him to come home this week. I can't say enough how much God has blessed me by putting Harrison in my life. I know everyone is tired of hearing about it, but I just can't help saying it again.

Now, I'm so glad for everything I've been through. I was hurt and lonely for a long time, but I can definitely say that it was all worth it to be where I am today. =)

Hey strangers!!

I keep promising myself that I'm going to get back to blogging, but as of yet it hasn't happened. Maybe this is the start of that?

Anyway, today will just be a little life update...

Where to start?!

1. I changed my concentration at school. I'm working on a masters of education. My major is counseling and development. Until last week my concentration was clinical mental health counseling. As of today, I'm happy to say that I am now a school counseling student. Needless to say, my professors and classmates were pretty surprised when I announced my decision. I got stuck in a school practicum this semester even though it wasn't my area of choice. I DREADED starting there. Turns out I REALLY liked it. My professor and the school's counselor were so encouraging and helpful. I am a firm believer that God shows us where he wants us to be, and this is one of the most clear instances of that I've ever experienced. I absolutely cannot wait to finish school and start working in a school helping kids!

2. I'm getting pretty domestic. I bought a crock pot which i LOVE. I've made some awesome dinners in it. I NEVER thought I'd like cooking, but I'm getting really good at it. So, feel free to come over for dinner some time! Also, I'm currently decorating for Christmas. Yes, I know its early, but I just couldn't wait any more! I love glitter and sparkles and good holiday smells! I feel like I'm definitely moving into the next stage of my life, and I couldn't be more excited! I'm going to Ikea (with a GIFT CARD!!!) today to hopefully redo my bathroom. SO excited. My little apartment had really become a nice cozy home over the last several months. My life is so busy and stressful... coming home to my little haven is one of my favorite things about life!

3. My BF is moving home in a WEEEEEEEK! I am SO excited that he'll be living here with me all the time! I know some people think its a bad decision... we're too young, its too soon, we need to wait for marriage. I know that living together is what's right for us, and I can't wait for this next step in our relationship. God has blessed me with someone who really cares for me, listens to me, supports me, and makes me laugh. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that I'll get to have him around every day. Spending time with him and taking care of him makes me happier than anything else. Its impossible to say how blessed my life is thanks to him! <3

4. Just finished the newest Nicholas Sparks novel "The Best of Me." Its FANTASTIC. IF you know me at all, you know I am a Sparks fanatic. I've read everything he has written multiple times. So, when I say this is my favorite of his books, that means something. haha. Definitely check it out! Its a great read... oh, but get a box of tissues!

5. I am SO thankful for my great doctor. I talked a lot with Dr. B about my struggles with anxiety. He has been wonderful with helping me take control of the situation. That combined with some wonderful advice from one of my favorite professors has helped me really begin to get a handle on my stress and anxiety. It consumed a big part of my life for a long time and I finally feel a little relieved. Its not totally under control and I think i have quite a ways to go, but its good to know that things are getting better!

Ok, that's all for now. What's going on with you?

Gestalt.

I'm POSTING! A full time job, long distance relationship, and full time load of grad school classes has left me pretty drained... but I finally have something I really want to share. Its SORT of counseling/psychology related, but it applies to everyone, so keep reading. Oh, and a life update may be coming soon... I hope.


Gestalt was originally a German word roughly akin to 'shape' or 'form'. Its English meaning is generally one of unity or holism... that's to say the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This is one of the most fascinating and beautiful concepts I've encountered since starting grad school.

The Gestalt Prayer was written by Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy (not to be confused with Gestalt Theoretical Psychotherapy and definitely not with Gestalt psychology).

The Gestalt Prayer
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)


Taken on its own instead of being interpreted through the lens of Gestalt Therapy (which is tough for me after learning all about the therapy in class) it's quite a confident message of emotional independence, of sorting your own 'thing' out before getting tangled up with someone else.

Walter Tubbs published a poem called Beyond Perls in response. Apparently its quoted in The Road Less Travelled... clearly it was famous in its own rite. The 'I and Thou' line is a reference to Martin Buber (a philosopher) and its said Professor Tubbs was weaving other thinkers into this as well. Even so, you can understand it without a psychology background or knowledge of counseling theory... and its lovely.


Beyond Perls
If I just do my thing and you do yours,
We stand in danger of losing each other
And ourselves.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations;
But I am in this world to confirm you
As a unique human being,
And to be confirmed by you.

We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other;
The I detached from a Thou
Disintegrates.

I do not find you by chance;
I find you by an active life
Of reaching out.

Rather than passively letting things happen to me,
I can act intentionally to make them happen.

I must begin with myself, true;
But I must not end with myself:
The truth begins with two.
(Walter Tubbs, 1972)



I'm more fond of Perls prayer, though both have striking points. Which do you prefer?

update.

I want to write a lengthy post, but honestly I am just tired.

Work and school full time are kicking my tail! My boy is living at the beach and I miss him terribly. I am way behind on sleep. I know that all this is for a purpose and that I am putting myself in a position for a great life, but its kinda hard at the moment... If you think about it say a prayer for me. I sure could use them! I know He is faithful and has a plan, but life is still a struggle and I find myself constantly in need of his grace and provision.

Distance.

Spent the weekend at the beach with Harrison. =)

We didn't really do anything special, but it was my favorite weekend in SOO long. There's just nothing that compares to warm hugs and sweet words and laughs with someone you really care about. Its so hard to live so far away from a guy thats so important to me, but it was wonderful to se how happy he is. Distance really stinks, but it makes you really appreciate time and little things so much more. I love getting to know odd little things that make someone different from everyone else. I love anticipating the next time we get to see each other, and I love how great it is to FINALLY see someone after waiting for a long time. It may not always be the ideal situation, but I'm so thankful for such a great person to spend time with... even if it isn't every day!

Ok, I'm done being mushy now. So, what did you do this weekend?

Notice.

This will be a short little update, as I have to be at work shortly, and I'm aiming to get my dishwasher emptied before I leave.... we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a little something that was a BIG deal to me today. If you read my last post, you know that I had a big experience at Elevation last weekend. God is really moving in that church and consequently in my personal life. Anyway, the same post that I made I also emailed to what the church refers to as the 'amen corner.' Its just a way to share your story with the staff at Elevation. They sometimes read a story during a sermon or other event.

Tonight I was at an Elevation Rock Hill launch team meeting. As our campus pastor was speaking, he mentioned that he loves to read the stories people email in. I didn't think much of the comment at the time. After the meeting, I introduced myself to Pastor Frank and discussed some outreach opportunities at Winthrop. At the end of the conversation he asked me my last name. I told him, and he immediately said 'didn't you send in an email this week?'

In a church that had 10,000 plus people attend last Sunday, Pastor Frank remembered my name and story specifically. I've never felt so honored by someone that I didn't really know. People say that a 'mega church' can't work. But I'm here to say that's not true. If we each take the time to honor the people that we come into contact with personally then we can create a tight knit group no matter how big the church family is. So, I'm making it my mission to invest personally into whoever God puts into my path... I'd love to know that I had a hand in someone feeling as important as I felt this evening.

Besties!

I'm off work tonight and I can't sleep. Since everyone else is in bed I've been playing around editing pictures.

I'm posting my favorite one... a collage of me and my three favorite girls in the world! Amber, April, Ashley, and I have been taking pictures in this pose since college. Its a tradition that I hope lasts a long time! I love these ladies!


Click on the picture to make it big! Its worth a look! =)



 

thankful.

Well, I've had an odd week so far. I sprained my ankle Saturday night at work. Even so, I'm thankful for people and things in my life that have gone well...

1. My coworkers on my floor were SO sweet when I hurt my foot. Roxxie wrapped it up for me (which saved me from absolutely dying from the pain!) and the rest of the third shift staff really picked up the slack when I couldn't do everything I normally do. Ms. Orr even switched schedules with me so I'd have a night off to rest and recover. I was SOO grateful for a little time to rest.

2. My wonderful step dad Jon came all the way to my house and picked up my laundry. Then he and my mom washed, dried, and folded it and he brought it back all nice and clean. I was worried about how I'd get that big basket over to my apartment's laundry room, but my family saved the day and took care of everything! I LOVE them!

3. I got an email today from a professor that asked me to call her and discuss an assignment we'd turned in for class. I was SO nervous, but I just went ahead and called her. Turns out that she thought I did a great job! She gave me some great feedback on things I could improve and told me that I was doing well and she was excited about my future with the program. It made my entire week good to hear such encouraging words! I was so excited I had to call my mom and tell her!

4. Harrison's been keeping me company since I'm crippled at the moment. Its nice to have someone to sit around and watch movies, eat Mike & Ike's and such with... even if he does fall asleep halfway through. =)

5. Summer session of grad school is almost over. I can't believe I have survived and even done relatively well. It was a whirlwind experience to say the least! I went out for dinner and drinks after class with everyone last weekend. I'm really excited about learning and becoming a counselor, but I am also really excited about the people I'm spending the next two years with. The other people in my cohort are so nice! Everyone is really smart and they are all so eager to help each other out. I feel really lucky to be sharing this experience with so many amazing new friends.

6. Its been really nice to relax in my apartment over the last few days while I've been hurt. I got new sheets the day before I got hurt... I think that was God's way of making it all a little bit better! I've certainly had time to break them in over the last few days! I am so blessed to have my own little place. Its clean and quite and comfortable. Its so nice to have a place thats such an expression of me. I know that not everyone has such a nice place to come home to, so I am so grateful!

7. If you're reading this then I'm thankful for you too! Thanks for checking in with me! =) Now, leave a comment and tell me whats going on with you!

Say.

listening to John Mayer (siiiiigh... he's just fantastic) tonight while I read for class. John's chill out vibe and thoughtful lyrics make him my go to study buddy. I'd forgotten how great these particular lyrics are. Bolded my favorite part. They remind me of healing from heartbreak. So scary to start loving again, but worth it in the long run...


"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]



<3 ya'll. Sorry I'm MIA. Hang with me and I'll get back to bloggin when summer school is over.

Hate.

Thought of the day:

"As long as you hate, there will be people to hate..." - George Harrison

A brief brief.

This is going to be a relatively short post. Thats mainly due to the fact that I have zero time to spare these days. Just wanted to post a quick update since I started grad school classes this week. God REALLY blessed me with this opportunity, and I thought i was well aware of that until I went to class. Then I really realized what an experience this is going to be. My professors are intelligent and accomplished and seem really passionate about preparing us to be good therapists. My classmates have all been really friendly and seem like a great group of people to go through this process with. I've already been assigned a healthy amount of work, but honestly, I am SO excited about all of it that I don't even mind sacrificing to get everything done. I can already se that this is going to be difficult at times, but that I'm not only going to learn a lot about helping others, but about God, and myself too.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying about this with me. Love you!


"Did you ever observe to whom the accidents happen? Chance favors only the prepared mind." - Louis Pasteur

single.

I read this today and I thought it was something all my single girl friends could relate to.

"My Every Day Single Girl Prayer"
by Evelyn Worthington

Lord you know my heart, you know every part of me,
Help me to live this life, please fulfill this need.
I have this longing Lord, and you know what I mean,
I'm just praying you'll fill it up, so I can be freed.
Lord, I want your timing, but lately I'm lonely for only you know who.
That longing, that desire, that missing someone, who knows? only you!
So Lord, I pray he's out there, help me be patient and strong,
Help me to not struggle with this, and help me not to long,
Teach him what he needs to know, help me, Lord, depend on thee.
Help me not to be conceited, and not to depend on me.
Help me to be wise and lead me in your ways.
Help me to trust in only you and follow you all my days.
Some days are harder than others, but today I feel so alone.
Help me to find my strength in you, and in you to find my home.
If he's not out there, then Lord, my prayer's the same.
Lead me, guide me, help me to feel your love, and trust in Jesus' name.
God I come to you as your child, lead me, make me like you.
Teach me your holy ways O Lord and make me wholly devoted to you.


On another note... I'm thankful today for my friends Cristina and Rachel who both took the time to ask me how I was doing, and truly listened when I told them. You ladies are wonderful, and I'm glad God blessed me with you.

Congrats!

I know, I know. I was SUPPOSED to be doing better at keeping up with my blog. Things have just been really busy still.
(This blog is devoted to my wonderful friends April and Jeremy who got hitched yesterday!)

Yesterday was a fantastic day. Two of my best friends got married. It was a BEAUTIFUL day, and I am so glad that I got to be a part of it.

April and Jeremy met a few years back at my apartment. My roommates and I were having people over for drinks and such. April was home from college on Christmas break and I begged her to come hang out at my place and meet some new people. She had recently gone through a bad breakup and I knew she needed some fun. She bumped into my high school friend Jeremy that night and the rest is history.

Anyway, back in those days I made a lot of dumb decisions. I drank too much, thought mainly about having fun, and didn't plan at all for the future. A lot of times I was selfish, impatient, lazy. Sometimes I wonder why I went through those days. Sometimes I wonder why I'm at the place I'm at now. Watching two people I love so much share the happiest moment of there lives yesterday, I couldn't help but think about how amazing it is that God uses us, even when we don't realize it. If I'd gone to a different college, lived in a different town after school, or any number of other things, April and Jeremy might have never met. All day long yesterday I was in awe at how God used seemingly insignificant circumstances in our lives to bring people together. I'm so so thankful that my life is intertwined with the lives of so many wonderful people.

April and Jeremy have been such an important part of my life over the last few years. When April became my roommate in 2009, I had no idea how much fun we would have, how close we would get, and how much God was blessing me by allowing me to be her roomie. April and Jeremy were there for me through a terrible breakup, and there is no doubt in my mind that God allowed me to live with April during that time because he knew how much I'd need her. When I wanted to talk or cry or yell, April always listened. When I needed to hear that I deserved a better guy, when I needed a big hug, or just a cold beer, Jeremy was always there for me. Watching those two crazy kids has always made me want to hold out for a relationship as wonderful as theirs. =) Like I told them at the rehearsal dinner, If I meet a guy half as great as Jeremy and I can be half as good a wife as April, then I will consider myself very lucky. They prove to all their friends that this love thing can still happen.

April, I know you'll see this, so congrats again! I love you!

Second Chances.

I'm sitting in my room. Just thinking. I'd REALLY appreciate some words of wisdom here.

What do you do when someone who hurts you wants a second chance?

Some people in my life are quick to say NO. Run the other way. Don't even think about it. Break all contact. I appreciate those people more than they know. Why? Because I know that they are saying those words out of genuine love and worry for me. I know that they worry for my emotional well being. I know they want the absolute best for me. I know they are trying to help me avoid getting hurt any further. I thank God for people in my life who love me so unconditionally. Such a blessing.

But... then I think about my relationship with God.

Matthew 6:14
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

He's forgiven me every single time I've ever asked. He didn't have to think about it. He didn't consider. He didn't hesitate. He opened his arms and welcomed me back into his embrace. He didn't just forget about what I'd done, he restored my relationship with Him to what it was before I ruined things. And all of this in spite of the fact that I don't deserve it. Every wrong in our relationship was MY FAULT. Yet he chooses to forgive. He loves me with a limitless love. He also loves the people who wrong me with a limitless love.

All this just makes me think... who am I to refuse to extend that same forgiveness to others. I know that it might put me in a position to be hurt again. However, I also know that if I do hurt I have a God who is the ultimate comforter. I also know that I don't want to miss out on God's blessings because I was afraid of being hurt. Even so, I see my concerned friends point of view.

So, what do you think?

happiness and hurt.

This post will be short. Sometimes a poignant thought can be stated very succinctly.

Lately, I've noticed that sometimes, something that is a blessing to one person can hurt someone else. What do I mean? Example: If God blesses you with a child, and your best friend tries but can't conceive... well I'm sure your blessing would cause your friend some pain. It would just hurt to watch. Its not necessarily your fault. Its just a bad situation.

I don't know what to say about this except that I think when God blesses us, we ought to take the utmost care with that blessing. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be happy about what God provides. What I am saying is that a GOOD friend is aware of those around them. A good friend knows when someone is hurting, and guards against further hurt if possible. Certainly, that isn't always possible. But a little intuition and some sensitivity can go a long way. (That aforementioned friend, for example, would probably have a rough time attending a baby shower.) Acknowledging the situation is a compassionate way would likely make things better. And point blank.... your (or my) happiness is not more important than their hurt. God cares just as much about how the person who is lacking feels as He does about you enjoying his provision.

I think that God calls us to be compassionate. So, maybe your friend does all she can to be happy for you. Maybe you wish she'd be there more. Sometimes you just have to look past what you want and understand when someone is doing all that they possibly can.

I think that sometimes blessings come with responsibilities.... just a thought.

In The Market.

Hello everyone. First, a brief update:

I hope everyone's week is off to a good start. I have a sinus infection, so mine is moving kind of slowly. I laid around most of the day today. Hopefully, that rest started me on the road to getting better. My day off did give me time to FINALLY make a custom layout for my blog. I've been using generic layouts from blogger until now. It took me a while to get the hang of the html stuff, but by the end of my project I got pretty good at it. So, if anyone wants their own blog header let me know. I'll make you one, or show you how to make your own!

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week. Hopefully, I'll be getting better. I should hear about grad school this week (keep praying!) and April's bachelorette party is Friday night... which means I get to see all my girls! I got an apartment which I'll be moving into when my lease with April is up, and Saturday my mom and I are going to get some fabric to start on curtains for my new place! All in all, an exciting few days are coming up. Plus, its supposed to be 80 degrees Saturday!

Anyway, I've been a little slack with my blog lately, but I've been wanting to share some of the things that I've been thinking about lately.

A few weeks back, Pastor Steven spoke on the topic of honor at Elevation. He laid out a very easy to understand, practical method for increasing the amount of honor that we show to other people. The part of the series that really spoke to me was about honor being a lifestyle. He spoke about leading a lifestyle that you always do more than you have to. In my head I've started referring to this as the "and then some" mentality. I'm going to do what someone needs me to do "and then some."

Often times, I don't take advantage of opportunities because I simply don't notice them. This is the case with honor and with plenty of other things. Pastor Steven pointed out that we should be "in the market" for opportunities. For example, when I bought a yellow car I started noticing other yellow cars a LOT more. So, now I'm actively working to see opportunities to do positive things! The more and more I live for Jesus, the more I realize that its the little things that matter SO much. One little negative behavior starts a landslide that can take someone right back into the depths of their sinful nature. But on the other hand, one little positive, encouraging, honoring action can give someone the strength they need to keep going.

Just something to think about. =)