Worry.

Hello all. I'm back. MY life has been crazy for a while now. Admittedly I stopped doing some of the things that I used to love. I let school, work, life get in the way of me having MY time. I used to take plenty of time to keep up my blog. It was where I expressed my thoughts, where I celebrated triumphs, where I sought advice, or wrote out advice for others (which was really for myself most of the time.) Anyway, I just got bogged down in life. I've been stressed and depressed. Anyway, its time for me to do some things for me again... as such I'm back. I know what you're thinking... I've said that before. Its ok... I know that actions speak louder than words, so in five or ten posts I'll say I told you so.

 Anyway, something I really struggle with is worry. I'm sure i've posted about this before... but its an ongoing thing, so I'm discussing it again. My bff Kiley and I are always talking about how much we worry. We are always texting or calling to ask the others interpretation of a comment, action, event. I can look objectively at her world and she at mine, but when it comes to our own situations we get all paranoid. So today i started reading about worry. I really liked this quote that I found.

 “I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain

 This describes me totally. I worry about things that never happen. I'm butchering the pig, but nobody wants bacon. It occurred to me today that worry is a behavior. As such I choose to do it. I'm of the opinion that every behavior we choose serves a purpose or meets a need (thats related to my theory of counseling, but you probably don't care about that... unless your one of my classmates in which case refer to choice theory for my basis there haha). Anyway, if this is a behavior (habitual as it may be) I can choose to STOP that behavior. Easier said than done... but following are some ways I intend to accomplish this goal.

First though I found some interesting statistics about worry (yes, from reliable sources). I'm not gonna lie, some of these made me feel stupid for worrying all the time. When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:

40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.

30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.

12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.

10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.

8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…

4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.

4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.

Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions: How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control? Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill? (this is my downfall seriously) Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?

 So what can we do? Here's what Ive come up with from a little reading. I'm seriously going to be taking these things into practice ASAP... this worry drains me.

 1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.

 2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.

 3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.

 4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.

 5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.

 6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.

 7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.

 8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)

 9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.

 10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.

 11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!

 12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).

 There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.If this is a struggle for you like it is for me, I hope it gets better. If you've got something else that helps calm your worry post it in a comment... I know I need all the help I can get.

Yowza!

Today one of my grad school friends commented something to the effect of "I didn't know you had a blog..."

WHOOPS. I have neglected it for far too long. I used to actually have readers. I used to have a kind of theme going. Life got in the way and my blog has been unloved for the last few months. Well I'd love to update everyone on whats been going on, but so much has passed that I am not sure I can even think of everything...

I finished last semester with a 4.0 at school. This semester seems to be our hardest. I'm working hard, but I dont know what my 4.0 will look like after this semester. I am doing my practicum at an elementary school this semester and I LOVE it. I am having lots of fun with the kids and learning tons of new things.

I've been sick for the last week and a half. Finally I am starting to get over this bronchitis. I missed school and work. It sucked to be stuck in the house all week, but at least now I can tell i am getting a little better.

That's pretty much all thats been going on in my life. More to come soon... Thanks Spencer for inspiring me to get back to my blogging!

Excitement.

"Sometimes what you wanted isn't what you get, BUT in the end, what you get is SO much better than what you thought you wanted!"

This is so so so true. I thought I knew what I wanted. I prayed and prayed for a relationship to work out and it still fell apart. I was devastated and thought I'd never find anything better. Little did I know, someone better than I could EVER imagine was right around the corner.

We struggled through a long distance relationship for months now, and its FINALLY time for him to come home this week. I can't say enough how much God has blessed me by putting Harrison in my life. I know everyone is tired of hearing about it, but I just can't help saying it again.

Now, I'm so glad for everything I've been through. I was hurt and lonely for a long time, but I can definitely say that it was all worth it to be where I am today. =)

Hey strangers!!

I keep promising myself that I'm going to get back to blogging, but as of yet it hasn't happened. Maybe this is the start of that?

Anyway, today will just be a little life update...

Where to start?!

1. I changed my concentration at school. I'm working on a masters of education. My major is counseling and development. Until last week my concentration was clinical mental health counseling. As of today, I'm happy to say that I am now a school counseling student. Needless to say, my professors and classmates were pretty surprised when I announced my decision. I got stuck in a school practicum this semester even though it wasn't my area of choice. I DREADED starting there. Turns out I REALLY liked it. My professor and the school's counselor were so encouraging and helpful. I am a firm believer that God shows us where he wants us to be, and this is one of the most clear instances of that I've ever experienced. I absolutely cannot wait to finish school and start working in a school helping kids!

2. I'm getting pretty domestic. I bought a crock pot which i LOVE. I've made some awesome dinners in it. I NEVER thought I'd like cooking, but I'm getting really good at it. So, feel free to come over for dinner some time! Also, I'm currently decorating for Christmas. Yes, I know its early, but I just couldn't wait any more! I love glitter and sparkles and good holiday smells! I feel like I'm definitely moving into the next stage of my life, and I couldn't be more excited! I'm going to Ikea (with a GIFT CARD!!!) today to hopefully redo my bathroom. SO excited. My little apartment had really become a nice cozy home over the last several months. My life is so busy and stressful... coming home to my little haven is one of my favorite things about life!

3. My BF is moving home in a WEEEEEEEK! I am SO excited that he'll be living here with me all the time! I know some people think its a bad decision... we're too young, its too soon, we need to wait for marriage. I know that living together is what's right for us, and I can't wait for this next step in our relationship. God has blessed me with someone who really cares for me, listens to me, supports me, and makes me laugh. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that I'll get to have him around every day. Spending time with him and taking care of him makes me happier than anything else. Its impossible to say how blessed my life is thanks to him! <3

4. Just finished the newest Nicholas Sparks novel "The Best of Me." Its FANTASTIC. IF you know me at all, you know I am a Sparks fanatic. I've read everything he has written multiple times. So, when I say this is my favorite of his books, that means something. haha. Definitely check it out! Its a great read... oh, but get a box of tissues!

5. I am SO thankful for my great doctor. I talked a lot with Dr. B about my struggles with anxiety. He has been wonderful with helping me take control of the situation. That combined with some wonderful advice from one of my favorite professors has helped me really begin to get a handle on my stress and anxiety. It consumed a big part of my life for a long time and I finally feel a little relieved. Its not totally under control and I think i have quite a ways to go, but its good to know that things are getting better!

Ok, that's all for now. What's going on with you?

Gestalt.

I'm POSTING! A full time job, long distance relationship, and full time load of grad school classes has left me pretty drained... but I finally have something I really want to share. Its SORT of counseling/psychology related, but it applies to everyone, so keep reading. Oh, and a life update may be coming soon... I hope.


Gestalt was originally a German word roughly akin to 'shape' or 'form'. Its English meaning is generally one of unity or holism... that's to say the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This is one of the most fascinating and beautiful concepts I've encountered since starting grad school.

The Gestalt Prayer was written by Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy (not to be confused with Gestalt Theoretical Psychotherapy and definitely not with Gestalt psychology).

The Gestalt Prayer
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)


Taken on its own instead of being interpreted through the lens of Gestalt Therapy (which is tough for me after learning all about the therapy in class) it's quite a confident message of emotional independence, of sorting your own 'thing' out before getting tangled up with someone else.

Walter Tubbs published a poem called Beyond Perls in response. Apparently its quoted in The Road Less Travelled... clearly it was famous in its own rite. The 'I and Thou' line is a reference to Martin Buber (a philosopher) and its said Professor Tubbs was weaving other thinkers into this as well. Even so, you can understand it without a psychology background or knowledge of counseling theory... and its lovely.


Beyond Perls
If I just do my thing and you do yours,
We stand in danger of losing each other
And ourselves.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations;
But I am in this world to confirm you
As a unique human being,
And to be confirmed by you.

We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other;
The I detached from a Thou
Disintegrates.

I do not find you by chance;
I find you by an active life
Of reaching out.

Rather than passively letting things happen to me,
I can act intentionally to make them happen.

I must begin with myself, true;
But I must not end with myself:
The truth begins with two.
(Walter Tubbs, 1972)



I'm more fond of Perls prayer, though both have striking points. Which do you prefer?

yep.

This is pretty cool... Gonna try and do these things this week!

Source: edhall.deviantart.com via Lisa on Pinterest

update.

I want to write a lengthy post, but honestly I am just tired.

Work and school full time are kicking my tail! My boy is living at the beach and I miss him terribly. I am way behind on sleep. I know that all this is for a purpose and that I am putting myself in a position for a great life, but its kinda hard at the moment... If you think about it say a prayer for me. I sure could use them! I know He is faithful and has a plan, but life is still a struggle and I find myself constantly in need of his grace and provision.